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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Im a 26 year old guy and my best friend is a girl. Weve

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I'm a 26 year old guy and my best friend is a girl. We've been really close for the last couple of years. She told me everything and asked my advice and i did the same. We've had our problems but they never lasted long. We hung out 3 or 4 times a week for almost 2 years. All of the sudden she won't hang out with me, she rarely answers my calls or texts and when i ask her what's wrong she says that we're fine. It's been over a month since i've even seen her. What do i do here? Is our friendship over? Should i stop trying to get her to hang out or do i keep trying? I have social anxiety disorder and this is really killing me. I don't want to lose what we had but it really feels like it's slipping away. Help, please.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

It does seem like things have changed. There is no way to know why this is unless she tells you. The end of social relationships can increase one's social anxiety. The uncertainty is very unsettling. Until you find out why things have changed yo don't really know what can be done.


First you need to accept that things of have changed. If your expectations are that things have not changed or they will eventually return to the way things were before may set you up for failure. Instead adopt the mentality that this friendship has changed but you still have the benefit of the friendship; it hasn't ended. Also keep in mind that the reason it has changed may have nothing to do with you. She could be going through something where she wants to isolate or she may not need a close friendship. You have to accept that the friendship has changed.


Reinvent the friendship to fit around those boundaries. It is better to have a new friendship than none. Then you won't lose this friendship because you can accept it in its new terms. This will salvage what is left of the friendship and reinvent it. Then you don't have to lose it but you have to think of it differently.


You can employ her in this process by being honest. Ask her what she can do in terms of what she needs and what she doesn't need. She may be willing to work on this together



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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I'm pretty all or nothing. A lot of things are black and white to me. I don't understand why or how things changed so fast. I don't know that i can just let it change and be ok with it. I only have 2 friends and she's one of them. That's my social interaction. That's what makes it so hard to let go. The anxiety thing makes it extremely difficult to meet new people. I've had it my whole life but just recently started therepy and medication but it's not working like i hoped it would. I'm afraid to even talk to my thereapist about these things. I'm 26 and have never been in any type of relationship and am still a virgin. Things like that pile up and make the anxiety even worse. But back to the topic at hand, do i just stop trying and wait for her to ask me to hang out or something or do i keep pushing? I've never been in this situation before and i have no idea how to handle it.
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
Your best hope to deal with your anxiety and ultimately your friendships is to tell your therapist. She/he could help you deal with your anxiety and what triggers lead to problems such as social isolation and not being able to form relationships. Otherwise there is no point to therapy. Therapy has to work hand in hand with the medication and there has to be total honesty. You may have to accept that the relationship is not what it was. If you accept that it is not less frequent you run less of a risk of losing it altogether. It is better to have the friendship under these new boundaries than not have it at all. This way you could in the future have it back the way that it was. Circumstances change and make people more available at times.
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