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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My name is XXXXX XXXXX I would like to ask someone there opinion or receive some guidance on how to handle a situation I have with my partner, which is putting a tremdous amount of pressure and strain on our relationship. I work abroad alot and but for the last 2 years I have worked in my local town, so I can see my partner and my son everyday.
Fortunately I have been offered a contract to work in the US for a period of 12 months and this is a flight away of 8 hours with a 6 hour time difference. Before our relationship stepped into it being serious, I told my partner that my job can take me to many places around the world and that this is part of my career and that she would have to realize that if she wanted to stay with me and we had children in the future that I would prefer them to come with me as a family. We now have a child of 6 months old and up to the age of 5 before they go to real junior school, travelling doesn’t cause a problem to my baby’s education so relocating should really be aproble for my son.
My partner agreed from the outset of our relationship that travelling wouldn’t be a problem while the children were young as long as we came back to our residing country in Luxembourg.
We are now 2 years down the line and we have had our 1st son now 6 months old and I am having a problem convincing her that this is the right move for our family to achieve our personal objectives which are to buy a house outright in our current residing country, something I would be able to do in 5 years time if I continued on the same track of career progression.
I have tried to coomunicate to her about this opportunity that is offering to live in an all year round sunny location, sun, sand, safety, and the position is offering me the ability to take a step up in my career and earn a lot more money. This is a progressive career move for me.
I am the only person working in the family, so I am the sole income provider. I really want to take the offer of this position of work, but I fear my partner has not got the same interest as I have in this move. We recently have been having discussions about it, but communication isn't working.
We really have a problem with communication, in the sense that I feel like I am trying but she has no interest in coomnicating effectively so that we can make a joint decision, eveything I say or do has a negagtive impact or she puts up a barrier to facing her fears.
Ever since our baby has been born, we as a couple are not close anymore, I have tried to do romantic things to bring the spark back in our relationship, and it feels like all she does is tell what I am doing wrong all the time and she constantly moans and talks to me in a tone of voice which comes across rude and abrupt. I have told her all these things but she says "what do you want from me? Do you want to change my character? She never uses to be like this, although she swears blind she has always been like this. I am losing my will to stay commited because I feel like she is holding me back from succeeding in life for us as a family. I honestly believe this relationship isn't going to last if we carry on in this way. The thing that really breaks my heart the most, is that if I took this position of work I will not be able to see my son everyday, I say my son only because I wonder if I or even my partner loves me anymore.
She says she does love me, but I have always been the kind of person who belives that love is more then just 3 words.
I think this career move will make us go our separate ways and I don’t want that!

It does sound like there is a communication problem. This is very common especially in terms of talking about your feelings. Sometimes when a woman has a new baby there can be this disconnect. It is an emotional and physical experience that leads one to almost shut down. This combined with the increase in responsibility can cause conflict. I would not only try to be romantic but I would also offer her time on her own.


You should hard to make the best decision for your family. This may take visiting a couples counselor so you know that you can work together to make this decision and improve your communication. It is can interrupt this downward cycle and this will benefit your children.


I also urge you to get a copy of Mars and Venus Together Forever which includes the Rules of Fair Fighting. There is a way to resolve conflict without resorting to behaviors that you describe.


Finally make a point to sit down with her and decide on major decisions such as your job consideration. Tell her again that you don't want to have barriers as a couple and ask her directly what she thinks would help the both of you. She will have her own suggestions.


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