It does sound like there is a communication problem. This is very common especially in terms of talking about your feelings. Sometimes when a woman has a new baby there can be this disconnect. It is an emotional and physical experience that leads one to almost shut down. This combined with the increase in responsibility can cause conflict. I would not only try to be romantic but I would also offer her time on her own.
You should hard to make the best decision for your family. This may take visiting a couples counselor so you know that you can work together to make this decision and improve your communication. It is can interrupt this downward cycle and this will benefit your children.
I also urge you to get a copy of Mars and Venus Together Forever which includes the Rules of Fair Fighting. There is a way to resolve conflict without resorting to behaviors that you describe.
Finally make a point to sit down with her and decide on major decisions such as your job consideration. Tell her again that you don't want to have barriers as a couple and ask her directly what she thinks would help the both of you. She will have her own suggestions.
If this has been helpful press accept