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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been seeing a really wonderful man and met online. He

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I have been seeing a really wonderful man and met online. He rings me all the time has met my mother been to dinner with her and met my 2 boys and I have met his daughter and they all get along great. Things seem so perfect. He regularly sleeps over at my house and me his. He cooks for me, massages me, we go on walks, ride bikes and he says i turn him on, have a great body. He says he loves how his daughter and I get along. She is 5 and says he has not introduced another woman to his daughter. I have met his family and get along really well. My boys really like this man. My mother also really approves of him. He is very affectionate. He rings me very often when he is away for work. He says he always wants to make me or see me happy. We have court orders for children and are now on the same weekends off. He says he wants to take me away on weekends. He has bought XMAS presents for my boys already. We spent last night together and I stayed over and enjoyed a glass of wine each of us. He says he thinks of me through the day and I make him horny. I last night left him to do monthly reports for work and found out that he is on dating sites and getting messages. He has received a message from a woman on his work phone and has a profile up on date site but I see in his email account messages from 2 and 3 months ago. I know this because he allowed me access to use his personal computer laptop. He signed out of the date site we met on. All of our children enjoyed playing at an indoor playland last Saturday and my Mum came too. He does have a profile photo on dating site at the moment. He lives on his own. And yes men will enjoy looking at porn online and I think most men will. What should I do. He is trying to sell his unit at the moment cause he had to take a loan out to pay his ex. He is so affectionate ringing several times a day some times. He has a great sense of humour. When he sells his unit he will need somewhere to move into. He says maybe his brother but he said to me only couple of weeks and my partner said "Yes that will probably be only 4 months of standing each other". He also said he could move in with his slightly older married friends but for how long". Cause all people like their own space. I dont like the idea of him staying with frineds cause things sometimes could get frayed. My Mum mentioned about him moving into the house where I currently rent and his daughter stay each 2nd weekend from Friday afternoon till Sunday afternoon which falls on a weekend when I have my two boys 4 and 6 years. I adore this man and it seems he adores me. My boys have bonded really well with him and his daughter has asked me to stay over before and please stay for cooked breakfast on Sunday morning. I am on Centrelink payments also. Please offer me some advice? I adore him so. He is such a giving, kind, generous and thoughtful man who aims to please me. He is older than me by 11 years but because he has a child and me 2 boys I wanted to be with someone who knew what its like to raise children. My 6 year old has special needs and medicated. What should I do? Mum said about him moving in with me. We never argue or disagree and really enjoy each others company. He is Capricorn and I Taurus which are supposed to be the best star sign match. He says he enjoys waking up with me and asks me to stay for dinner cause he says he's got to cook anyway and it is more enjoyable me being there than him being on his own. He says he is really happy with us and has also told me on a text message when he was away recently on a Motor GP holiday with his mates in Australia. He texted me continuously and phoned continuously saying he really missed me and couldnt wait to see me again. We met online August 8th and been together ever since. He says he would like to enjoy weekends away with me. He rings when he says he will. He always asks me what plans I have for the evening. After his recent holiday he asked me to take him to the airport and pick him up. He says he really appreciates every little thing I do for him like helping clean his unit for realestate inspection and thanked me for helping his family by making his daughter a birthday cake and attending a family get together for this. He also comments that I have a great body and I turn him on. Pleasing to the eye. We attended a music concert with mates he knows through work and an air/motor show out of town. All of our children had a great time at a local Car/Motor show. He says his daughter has never met any partner of his never been introduced to another woman. He said he did this because he felt very comfortable in doing so.  Please give me advice?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

You have outlined a very positive relationship with mutual communication. When you have a problem where you are concerned about something he may have done that communication has to be front and center. You don't want to assume that this profiles are to meet new women but I am not sure if I understand the specifics of what they are. If these are from a time when you weren't together then you have nothing to be concerned about. You say yourself the emails are 2 months old. If they are from a time when you were together then you have to find a way to bring this up. You are not going to be happy unless you know so you have to talk about this. If he is this great guy he will be glad to discuss with you the purpose behind this profile if any. Don't be scared to ask the hard questions because you have to be clear yourself.

 

As far as the relationship you have to decide where you are headed. If this is to rent him space then so be it. But be careful because this changes the relationship and not usually in a good way. It is almost like lending money. The dynamic right now is that you are on equal footing. I would find a situation that works for him but doesn't change the relationship. Your goal now should be to reach a new level but not one that makes him responsible to you.

 

If you both have children then you should be very careful. But if the elements are there like communication and trust then you are on the right track

 

If this has been helpful press accept

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

We been seeing each other since August 8th through date site that another friend has been using for quite a while well Mum's older friend. He seems like mr perfect exactly what my boys and I need. I dont want to accuse him of anything as my life is finally getting on track after me moving back to town where my boys father resides. My partner does his very best to please all of us and is so giving, very helpful, considerate, thoughtful. I wonder should I have the attiude that he is devoted to me cause it really seems that way. He has already bought XMAS presents for my boys and says that all the children get along so really well. His daughter asks when can she play with my boys next. He always considers me in everything. He always he wants to make sure i am happy and content. He said unless he was comfortable I would not have been introduced to his daughter so soon. He says she really likes me and we have bonded.

He seems so content with us and says he enjoys waking up with me the closeness and would rather have a meal with me that by himself. He thanks me for everything I do for him like the cake I made for his daughters bday and family get together with his family. He says they really like me. I have a thought of not making or causing any issues between us and taking my anxiety/mood herbal tablets like I do. I take them cause I recently had an IUD Mirena inserted and we were very honest about that and I have not had a partner since November 2009. My husband and I finally got divorced about 4 months ago. Yes everyone can have friends. I do have male friends and have been given their phone number in the past Mobile number (An old school friend and neighbour) also chat on facebook with and old mate who is a male. Yes I know that people have friends of the opposite sex. I have never felt so content within myself and my life as I do now. I feel like "Where has my new partner been all this time". I feel so lucky to be with him like a privillege and an honor. He has a very respectable job. No tattoos same size hands as me and about as tall as each other. He is also very handsome. Always clean shaven, well dressed and groomed. He is a very likeable man with a great sense of humour. We get along so famously. I dont want to control his friends like my husband did- controlled my friends, money and my whole life, verbally abusive. My new partner knows of my past with him and has brought virtually every thing to the table regarding the mother of his daughter. I dont want to dictate who he is friends with. I have been in a very controlling relationship. I feel blessed to be with my partner. I am 34 and he is 45 and he says age, who cares. My family and friends are not one bit concerned about age. They say my happiness counts. He is no longer on the same dating site we were on and we both signed out of that at the same time that is quite a while ago now.

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I have alopecia where patches of hair fall out and have never had anyone partner be accepting of this so I am blessed that he is accepting of this totally and only asked me about this once. He is not concerned. I said stress causes it and he said of cause it does and you've had enough of that. I have week on week off from my boys also. I dont need any worries and dont want to cause issues or seem controlling or push this wonderful man away. He is a really giving loving man and is a really great father to his daughter age 5 and bonds very well with my boys and he sleeps over and has breakfast when I have my boys in my care.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I have alopecia where patches of hair fall out and have never had anyone partner be accepting of this so I am blessed that he is accepting of this totally and only asked me about this once. He is not concerned. I said stress causes it and he said of cause it does and you've had enough of that. I have week on week off from my boys also. I dont need any worries and dont want to cause issues or seem controlling or push this wonderful man away. He is a really giving loving man and is a really great father to his daughter age 5 and bonds very well with my boys and he sleeps over and has breakfast when I have my boys in my care. We have same size hands and almost same height and can ride each others mountain bikes cause of same size frames. He is always clean shaven, no tattoos, short tidy hair. He is very handsome with an awesome sense of humour. He always considers my feelings, he brought me flowers the other night cause he said I deserved it due to an emotionally stressful week due to final mediations between my ex husband and I. He rings me mostly cause says i need my money for my boys. I am also receiving Centrelink payments. He does not discourage me from ringing him however it is through his work mobile phone cause his private one is getting fixed. He did recive a message from lady last night from 11:38am saying you probably got company at the moment but glad to see your happy again. This was a work phone. Maybe they are just friends from some time ago. I feel that there is noone else out there like him. He has given me no reason well signals that there are any problems at all. We are both at the same part of life.

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
If you are this compatible then you should have no trouble finding a way to make a commitment. He seems very committed himself. It is often very difficult to find someone who compliments you in the same emotional space as yourself. Let him really get to know you including your condition. He seems to be very open to blending both your lives. So the question should only be where do we go from here. You have found no negatives in this picture so take this to the next level
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I dont want to be hung up about his profile picture on online date site. He is so wonderful like I said. Should I really jeopardise things and be controlling etc. He has given me no bad signs at all. He does live on his own and yes men get curious or bored i guess and most men look at porn sites. He says he does look at porn and we have before together being open and honest about what each other likes. He does live on his own. Or could I be thinking back to my past with my ex husband and his sexual preferences, thoughts etc. due to his frontal lobe damage. I dont want to accuse my partner and lose the best thing there could possibly be for me and also them. This would devestate my boys and his daughter definitely. I dont wish to give up this relationship for anything is how I feel.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I dont want to be hung up about his profile picture on online date site. He is so wonderful like I said. Should I really jeopardise things and be controlling etc. He has given me no bad signs at all. He does live on his own and yes men get curious or bored i guess and most men look at porn sites. He says he does look at porn and we have before together being open and honest about what each other likes. He does live on his own. Or could I be thinking back to my past with my ex husband and his sexual preferences, thoughts etc. due to his frontal lobe damage. I dont want to accuse my partner and lose the best thing there could possibly be for me and also them. This would devestate my boys and his daughter definitely. I dont wish to give up this relationship for anything is how I feel. We have both been hurt very badly in the past. We do have some of the same relationship experiences the same things have happened to us so we relate to each other on the same levels.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
You should never jeopardize anything by being controlling. He does sound great. It is very common for men to view porn. If he looks at porn and it does not meet the level of sexual addiction then there may not be harm in doing so. It also has to be acceptable to you. You have the ability to weigh looking at some porn with his other wonderful qualities. You know what you can live with. Yo do have a lot to consider. If you don't want to give this up don't. You could very easily reach a compromise. For instance he may do this in private where it is not visible to you. It really is up to you
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Should I just let it ride the fact that I saw his picture profile on date site this morn. He had work phone message from lady re date site. Should I think of it like facebook chat friend and not be so hung up on life. He said he is 100% happy with me in every way. He tells me this very often through SMS and face to face and i dont need to ask him. I do like everything about him and not one thing I dont like. I have also been to dinner with his family prob 2 weeks ago and went really well. His daughter attended too and I slept over that night cause daughter asked me to and to stay for breakfast and dad said it was coming across from his daughter not just him.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He has said he chats to people. Yes people get bored or lonely living on their own. We used to use dating site for longer than we really needed to for a while because it was not costing money to do so like a phone cause and chatted for as long as we like. Maybe it is just a social network. ??? I have no reason to think bad thoughts at all.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
It may be a friendly situation but the key is to find out from him. Don't make a big deal or come off as accusatory. Just say that you noticed it and it got you a little worried. If he is happy he will reassure you and you can put it aside. It may be an exercise in communicating effectively. If you didn't need to ask him it wouldn't be bothering you. Also tell him that you care a lot and just needed to hear it. You have a substantial relationship.
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
he did say before when i questioned him about a message on his phone later at night because he didnt turn his mobile phone off and i was concerned then and he sensed it next morning he said "somethings up" I explained what i thought another woman thought came to mind. He said i cant control what time my friends ring me. This was prob 1 month or 6 weeks ago. Nothing else was said and all has been perfect ever since.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I said he does not need to take over as a fathers role and does not need to pay my rent for me. Do things sound okay to you. He was on date site tonight briefly I see after I left his place it was the site where I see people have sent him thanks for being a friend and have a wonderful night or have a great Thursday and these were sent as tagged messages (like greetings). Or message saying even though we are miles apart I hardly ever get on line but friends are important. They are nice picture messages. He does say he really appreciates me. Things might be okay and I may seem too insecure if I ask. I dont want to say who he can be friends with. My ex husband was very much controlling and verbally abusive. Do you think it sounds like I have to be quite wary or cautious of my new partner. He is really great with children. I do not definitely want to seem controlling. I do not want to seem accusing. He has Xmas presents for the boys already too. I know we do enjoy each others company. You would think that if he had no genuine interest in us that he wouldnt continue to pursue me. He also likes to surprise me and do things at the spur of the moment.

 

Thanks Kindly

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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