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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am a lesbian that has been in a gay relationship for 17 years.

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I am a lesbian that has been in a gay relationship for 17 years. She helped me raise my children from the age of 4 until they were 18. She still has an awesome relationship with them and my kids love her just as if she were a biological parent.

My dilemma: We have not had any intimacy in the past 4 years because she started going to church and had a revelation that if she continued with this life style, she would go to hell. She says she still loves me and she's sorry she can't get past the feeling that being intimate with me is a sin. We have had several conversations regarding this, because I feel like... Where does that leave me? I miss intimacy and need it in my life. Ive always been a very intimate person. She said if I left her she wouldn't blame me. But I'm in love with her and can't just throw away oour 17 year relationship. My sons said if I left her, they would be upset with me because it would feel like I was breaking up our family. Please offer any advise that you can. I'm desperate.

I understand your concerns. There are couples that do not have any sexual interactions and remain in relationships. However if you are using intimacy in meaning no romantic type behaviors at all then that is a problem. A relationship cannot survive with no physical or emotional interactions between two people. Then add that you may want a very emotional romantic bond and she may not. The relationship has to be the same for both of you. If she is convinced that this is against her religious values then a compromise cannot be reached. This is a huge decision but you both have to find a compromise. If you can't then you have no choice but to separate. Before you reach that point ask your therapist to let you ask her to join a few sessions and offer assistance to reach that compromise. Or you can find a therapist trained in lesbian relationships to do some couples work.

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