How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Mark Manley Your Own Question

Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Mark Manley is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello i am really in need of some advice, me and my wife split

Customer Question

Hello i am really in need of some advice, me and my wife split up in december 2010 and since then have had daily communication as if we were still together. we did go for coucilselling in march of 2011 but was only able to attend 3 sessions before relate who we were using were all made redundant, i have found myself at her beckon call as we have 2 and a half year old twins which get to much for her at times, i would on average go over to hers a couple of times a week to have tea help bath them and settle them down, Everytime i speak with my wife about reconsiliation she always says that she is not coming back !! i believe i am making mistakes as i constantly talk about getting back together and how things would be different (Mainly due to the fact that i am not working in the same high pressure long hour job that i was doing when with her) if i do not contact her then she will call daily and i i offer out to lunch she will agree but then that usually turns out to me offloading again about reconsiliation, i totally believe that we can be very happy together and are main problem was never really communicating properly with each other when we were together, i have been trying to rsolve this now myself for 10 months but cant move on as day by day i find myself falling even more in love with her and wanting to contact her to again try and convince her !! by the way neither ofus has moved on to other relationships, i am just wondering what i can do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Thanks for using Justanswer.

I am sorry you find yourself in such painful circumstances.

Can you provide me with the following information so I can better assist you? Thanks.

How long were you together before she became pregnant?

What are your ages?

Do you have previous marriages?

Do you have other children?

What do you think was the original attraction for you? and for her?

What reason(s) does she give for her statement "I am not coming back"?

Any other history or information you think may be helpful for me to know?

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We were together for 7 years before we conceived;
I am 40 and she is 31
no previous marraiges for either of us
i have two other children 19 and 14 years of age
I hired her as a sales rep i was always her manager for all the time we worked together until 2007 we then married in february 2008 and the twins were born in december 2008 !
i believe her attraction to me was maybe something to do with i was her boss but she also says its because of my cheekiness and eyes !!!
i was in a high presure sales enviroment and worked 60 + hours a week she said i talked down to her and was sarcastic at times! an exaple would be that i would say something sarcastic or belittling to her then we would be fine for a fortnight then i would say something again then spend roughly two weeks being ok again etc etc she believes that nothing will change !!
although i know and it has been commented on that since i left that posiyion in february of this year that i have become far more laid back and patient !!
since then though i think because everytime i see or speak with her i talk about getting back together it actually makes her frustrated that i am constantly going on about it !! we were not even friends on facebook until recently as she asked me what security i had on it as she could not see my profile and pictures !!
i am trying the no contact over the last day and she did try calling last night which i didnt take and text me this morning just asking to pay money in today early for child support !
we still laugh a lot at each other but as soon as i mention sorting things she just says the same thing again !!
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Thanks for the additional information. You are on the right track. What causes you to keep making the same mistake, or what prevents you from following your plan to stop pursing her. You have the right idea but are having difficulty carrying it out. What do you understand about your self in this regard?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I suppose im desperate for her to come back and wheni see her i honestly do melt, i find it very difficult to not mention it at all and sometimes see it as a wasted oppurtunity to resolve things,
I realise that i didnt really appreciate her whilst i was with her enough also found that she is the most important person in my life there are very few moments in the day that i am not thinking about her,
Im really concerned that she will find someone else and that will be that !
she is coming over today to drop the twins off but wont stay long due the traffic around the town as she now lives in a town about 20 miles away, its where she moved directly from the seperation,
She has also introduced me to a company where she does some work its a networking company selling health and beauty products its just a 2nd line income although she is doing pretty well at it, she also wants me to go to a meeting next week where she has spoken with the MD and he wants to have a chat with me ?
i feel like she is slipping through my fingers and dont really know what else to say to her ?
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency