How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1691
Experience:  PHD LPC
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Keane is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I dont know what to do. I am male, and I think i text my bf

Resolved Question:

I dont know what to do. I am male, and I think i text my bf too much. He is busy with work and when he gets home he talks to other people idk via skype. I am somewhat afraid he is looking for other people, and I am also paranoid he is going to leave me because i did something wrong. We used to talk via txt, IM, and phone alot but now its significantly less for an unexplained reason. I am worried because he is the first person who has made me feel special and i dont want us to break up but I dont know how to handle this.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

You can control your texting with effort. The reason you are texting is not because you are compulsive but because you are insecure. Your fears of him leaving you and finding someone else is fueling this need to text . This offers a way to be constantly reassured that you are still a couple. When you feel less insecure you will text less. When you feel anxious you probably text him for that immediate gratification. It is a way of reassuring yourself that you have a bond with him.

 

Instead of focusing texting focus on why you feel he will find someone else. When you do that the texting will automatically become less. Focus instead on why you think he would leave and why you are holding on so tight. Maybe people have hurt you or maybe there is something about him that you find will be so attractive to others. When you remedy your insecurity everything else will follow. Try to tell him that you feel this insecure and what can he commit to that will help you. Maybe he will agree to calling or texting you twice a day to tell you he is thinking of you and that he cares a lot. Use this as a way to feel that connection. If he can help you feel positive about the relationship than that will reduce the need to text. If not you may push him away because you are appearing very needy. Take this up with him so that you can work on it together.

 

If this is helpful press accept

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 2 years ago.
If you think you are texting him too much then you are and if you continue it may push him to end the relationship. As psychlady summed it up, your insecurities may be hindering the relationship. You say you are afraid to lose the relationship and that you did something wrong. First thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself. That will only make you feel worse and worry more and then you will keep repeating the negative behaviors (texting too much). If you want to work through this, I would suggest you find a cognitive behavioral therapist who can help you explore the reasons why you are insecure and teach you how to react without the worry. I know this is scary for you. It is also okay to simply ask him if he is losing interest in the relationship, and if he is would he consider going to counseling with you to work on making it better. How long have you been a couple? lived together? how old are you?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
19,dont live together, been together 2 months
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 2 years ago.
Hi, two months is not a long time and you are young which means you don't have a lot of experience in long term relationships. As I said before you would benefit from some therapy, it's painful to go through this type of experience and worse if you blame yourself for it being this way. If he is not committed to you then you have to accept it as difficult as it may be. Sometimes you just have to let go and see where you wind up. Each experience you have will serve to teach you something, and as you experience more you learn more and are better able to cope. I know you want a more concrete answer which I can't give you. You need to value who you are, and know you deserve to be treated well.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1691
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency