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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I dont know what to do. I am male, and I think i text my bf

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I dont know what to do. I am male, and I think i text my bf too much. He is busy with work and when he gets home he talks to other people idk via skype. I am somewhat afraid he is looking for other people, and I am also paranoid he is going to leave me because i did something wrong. We used to talk via txt, IM, and phone alot but now its significantly less for an unexplained reason. I am worried because he is the first person who has made me feel special and i dont want us to break up but I dont know how to handle this.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

You can control your texting with effort. The reason you are texting is not because you are compulsive but because you are insecure. Your fears of him leaving you and finding someone else is fueling this need to text . This offers a way to be constantly reassured that you are still a couple. When you feel less insecure you will text less. When you feel anxious you probably text him for that immediate gratification. It is a way of reassuring yourself that you have a bond with him.


Instead of focusing texting focus on why you feel he will find someone else. When you do that the texting will automatically become less. Focus instead on why you think he would leave and why you are holding on so tight. Maybe people have hurt you or maybe there is something about him that you find will be so attractive to others. When you remedy your insecurity everything else will follow. Try to tell him that you feel this insecure and what can he commit to that will help you. Maybe he will agree to calling or texting you twice a day to tell you he is thinking of you and that he cares a lot. Use this as a way to feel that connection. If he can help you feel positive about the relationship than that will reduce the need to text. If not you may push him away because you are appearing very needy. Take this up with him so that you can work on it together.


If this is helpful press accept

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
If you think you are texting him too much then you are and if you continue it may push him to end the relationship. As psychlady summed it up, your insecurities may be hindering the relationship. You say you are afraid to lose the relationship and that you did something wrong. First thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself. That will only make you feel worse and worry more and then you will keep repeating the negative behaviors (texting too much). If you want to work through this, I would suggest you find a cognitive behavioral therapist who can help you explore the reasons why you are insecure and teach you how to react without the worry. I know this is scary for you. It is also okay to simply ask him if he is losing interest in the relationship, and if he is would he consider going to counseling with you to work on making it better. How long have you been a couple? lived together? how old are you?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
19,dont live together, been together 2 months
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.
Hi, two months is not a long time and you are young which means you don't have a lot of experience in long term relationships. As I said before you would benefit from some therapy, it's painful to go through this type of experience and worse if you blame yourself for it being this way. If he is not committed to you then you have to accept it as difficult as it may be. Sometimes you just have to let go and see where you wind up. Each experience you have will serve to teach you something, and as you experience more you learn more and are better able to cope. I know you want a more concrete answer which I can't give you. You need to value who you are, and know you deserve to be treated well.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience: PHD LPC
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