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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7532
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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should I go back to my boyfriend who has cheated on me

Resolved Question:

should I go back to my boyfriend who has cheated on me?

we have been dating on and off for about 3 years now. I will try to short form our situation. well pretty much when we first started dating everything was great but then he got distant and needed a "break" from me. we got back together a month later but then shortly after he wanted to move accross the country. So I let him about 7 months after he moved back and shortly after we started dating again. so we started dating again and everything was good. but then like always he would get distant and he broke up with me again. ( he broke up with me when he moved also) the difference is when he broke up with me the 3rd time I found out from our friend that he had cheated on me. Now my dad had an affair with my mom so cheating is the one thing that would end us for good. its been almost a year since he had cheated on me and we are starting to get close again. I feel really weird about being close with him again because Im so against what he had done. he explained to me that everytime he had gotten close to me, he was starting to fall in love and he was scared of that, so he would break it off. He was scared of love. His explanation for cheating on me is he knows its the one thing that would end us for good. He needed me to stop coming back to him since he was scared of love. Now he is trying very hard to get back together with me, I am moving soon and he wants to come with, he is quiting smoking for me, he is going to work out more for me ( I am a health nut) he is even going back to school. He says he is ready to love me and only me ( sounds like a bunch of crap) but for some reason I believe it. I honestly do not know what to do. I do not know how I can trust him after he has put me through so much crap. He is a good guy as weird as that sounds. But what should I do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 4 years ago.

-- Should you go back after he broke up with you the "3rd time" ? You should never have gone back after the 1st; and most definately not after the 2nd.


Look, you know what's going on. You sound pretty smart and you have sharp instincts - let there be no doubt that your bf has established a pattern that he won't think twice about repeating for as long as you invite him to.


And yes, you are inviting him to treat you badly by taking him back . Why should anything change since he's able to live how he wants to and you're there in between affairs?


So the short answer is "No", don't go back. Respect yourself more than he does.


The longer answer is ask him to prove his intentions and attend "couples counseling" for at least 4 sessions. Then you'll see the truth without any doubt.


Stay strong and good luck!

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