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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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long question...here is the backstory - at 17 I met a guy,

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long question...here is the backstory - at 17 I met a guy, dated..I became pregnant. I moved home from college, he moved on - after having seen his child one time. 20 years later he is back and we are in communication. He wants to meet his child and claims he loves me and wants to be with me. I have never married but he has been married 2x and has two other children - one from his wife and one from another relationship. My questions are 1) How do I tell my child that he wants a relationship with her when he has never before..or do I wait until she asks? 2) Should I stay away from a relationship with him? Or do I allow things to happen naturally? I want to trust my heart, but his track record makes me very wary.

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Move very, very carefully!! His track record is not good at all. He may be grasping at straws after his ruined relationships. You say you're in "communication" but he's already saying he loves you? Keep him away from your child until you are quite sure he will be a stable influence. With his track record of having children and leaving, you need to do extra "due diligence" with this man. I would even suggest paying to run a full-scale background check on him. There are sites online that will do this for you.

It's been 20 years since you dated. You are clearly a different person, having gone to college and raising a child by yourself. It isn't as clear that he has matured and grown the way you have.

Your instincts are telling you to be careful while your heart hopes that there could be a fairytale ending. His record speaks for itself. There are at least 3 women and 2 other children he has left in the dust. Listen to your gut.

It would be worth a session or two with a counselor to hash this out in person, but my opinion is that this man has shown you who he is by ignoring your daughter for 20 years.

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