I think you are being honest with yourself when you say you will take it to the next level. That is how it sounds to me. You are maintaining this friendship but you know that is not what you want and if you let it get out of hand then you know that is not the way you will behave. As valued and as special as this friendship is in reality you are messing with fire. You don't feel like she is your friend really and you don't want her to be your friend. You have carried a torch for some time and that is going to take over. It isn't fair to your family or hers to let that happen. It doesn't matter where her husband is when. This is another rationalization. You have to remove the threat to your relationship even if it is painful. You have to make a choice. You have to decide if this relationship is threatening your family. Can you function as friends and not make you miserable. If it ends up being a choice then you may have to make you may have to let her go. Right now you are walking a tightrope between friendship and romance. I don't know if you can maintain the role you need to maintain.
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I agree with everything in your response. And really knrw the answer all along, but needed to hear it from someone else.
Thanks for your help.