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Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Are you attracted to him, dear? Why did you let him kiss you?
I didnt have to react when he first kissed me. It was unexpected
I now realize that I definitely am attracted to him
but never thought about it before
You must been feeling very confused right now, aren't you?
Yeah, its mostly the feeling of awkwardness that I dislike. And I feel like a bad person for cheating on my boyfriend, and for doing that to his girlfriend as well. I truly like her
Its confusing because he says that he doesnt regret doing it, but he has no plans of leaving his girl for example
Yes, quite confusing. And when did you last talk with him?
Well, I saw him yesterday at a friends gathering, and he was with his girlfriend acting all cuddly. we both pretended like nothing was wrong
What do you need to make you feel better?
Afterwards he texted me saying that he's not giving me the choice of taking my distances with him, because he's never giving up on our friendship
I can't tell anyone about this, but I would like to know if you think he was just playing around
or that actually meant something
Should I just pretend it never happened, and forget about it
cause that might be the easiest probably.
First, please tell me a bit about his character in general, is he a trustworthy, kind person?
he's very kind, very successfull, has lots of friends. He has a strong caracter and people are naturally drawn into him. I know that he dated a lot of women a few years back, but his current girlfriend really changed him, and he has stuck with her for the last 3 years
its his longest relationship, and he himself says that he was a womanizer before
Okay, then I don't believe he was just playing around, he was expressing his true attraction to you. Do you ever meet with him alone other than the coffee the other day?
Yeah, we used to do that regularly. meeting for coffee, or lunches to catch up on our lives, and we both made it a point to be just the two of us without our couples or other friends. He is one of my closest friends, and we discuss things that we are not necessarily comfortable talking about with other people.
Now I dont think I will let that happen though, which means our friendship is already affected
Yes, your relationship is definitely changed. It will be very difficult to not have him as a close friend and confident anymore. Do you believe you can go out as couples now?
Maybe in a little while. Not right away. I think he is as confused as I am, just better at hiding it.
attraction doesnt always mean feelings. I believe its only attraction, even though he swears he never thought of me like that before
Since the two of you were so close, you were already in a bit of an emotional affair and it sounds like the alcohol released inhibitions that were just under the surface for you both. I believe you would find seeing a therapist helpful at this time. It will give you a safe, confidential place to to sort through your feelings about him and get you through this very difficult situation. Are you open to therapy?
Yes, however, I am not quite to the point where I think I need therapy. Thanks for your help. I guess it is as confusing to people as it is to me :)
You are very welcome. One thing I do no is that things will not return to the way they were before and will likely get much more confusing. So I am pleased that you are open to therapy. It has been my pleasure to help. Please remember to click on the green accept button so that I will receive credit for my answer. I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX Eleanor