Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!
This is a tricky situation. He's already told you he's not in love with you. Yet, his behavior seems to indicate otherwise at times. The problem is, that without a frank conversation, you could end up spending your holidays with someone who regards XXXXX XXXXX a dear friend, but not a potential wife. And, while you're spending that time with him, you will be missing out on meeting someone who is ready to commit. I know he's said he can't bear to lose you--but without the actions to back that up (a commitment) he doesn't have the right to ask for you to be only with him. And you'd be making a mistake to commit to someone who won't commit to you.
Be careful about trying to interpret the look in someone's eyes--it's too easy to see what we want to see. You have nothing to lose by asking him where he sees the relationship going in the future. If he wants you to be in his life, but doesn't see you as a lover/partner/wife, you need to know that. Otherwise, you could be wasting time that should be spent looking for someone who will move the moon and stars to be with you.
A great book for you to read would be Temptations of the Single Girl The
"temptations" are thinking that we can change a man or his behavior, settling
for a man who doesn't want a commitment when we really want marriage at some
point, and wasting time with the wrong man because we're afraid to be alone.
He may be a man who is afraid to commit at all, or he may still be carrying a torch for his ex. Without a conversation with him, you'll never know. When a man says he wishes you were the one, that's a pretty sure sign that he's not heading toward marriage with you. To see if that has changed since his depression has lifted, you're going to have to ask the tough questions of him directly. Don't convince yourself that he will somehow 'grow to love you' ...we get too many letters here from men who married when they knew they weren't head over heels for the woman--and who are now cheating, looking for that 'in love' feeling. You deserve a man who is deeply and madly in love with you. Don't settle for less.