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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I have a long distance relationship. I live in Washington

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I have a long distance relationship. I live in Washington state and he in Newport beach, Cal. We are engaged and he feels it is ok if he goes out at 11pm to 12 , by himself, at night to local bars on the beach to play pool.. He is a very outgoing attention seeking man.. Most of the places at that time everyone is getting drunk and it bothers me that he does this activity late at night.. He does not drink and is part of the Mormon religion.. They do not look to put themselves in a possibly compromising situation... He refuses to stop. First of all, when people in a bar are drinking.They get overly friendly and sometiimes amorous and flirtatious.. He can be a flirt and goes out of his way to joke around to get attention from men and especially women.. He will travel to other bars with the same activity. He has talked me into investigating this Mormon religion. I know this is not acceptable behavior amongst members of the church..
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

Unless he doesn't get out of work until Midnight, I think you are right to be concerned. It also seems odd that he wants you to convert while he's not willing to follow his church's guidelines for behavior. And by the way, people in bars talk on the phone all the time (and cell phones have vibrate options for loud places) so his excuse that he can't hear the phone doesn't hold water. There's a reason he's choosing to play pool so late at night, and I agree with the reason you gave for being worried--the attention from drunk women.

The very fact that you are engaged, he knows this behavior hurts you, and he chooses to continue doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. He may expect to

continue this after you are married. And when other things come up that you don't like, he may ignore your feelings then just like he is now.

This is not a man who is putting the happiness of his partner first. Don't convince yourself that marriage and children will change him. He's showing you who he is with this behavior. If you marry him, this is what your life will be like. Make sure you can handle that before committing to a man who doesn't think twice about hurting your feelings on a regular basis.

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