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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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hi my name is XXXXX XXXXX i am in a very volitile relationship...

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hi my name is XXXXX XXXXX i am in a very volitile relationship... the person that im in a relationship with is very controlling and i have tried many things to get my partner to stop with this behaviour i really am at wits end with this whole thing i have 5 children from 2 previous relationships and i have a son with the person i am in a relationship with now .... the things i have had to put up with is his insecurities his posessiveness his demands his controlling everything i have been in a volitile relationship like this before and i cant believe that i have put myself and my children in this situation again please i need advice on what i should do because i cant deal with this anymore and i hate seeing my children unhappy
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Dear Katrina,

I am so sorry for the predicament that you once again find yourself in. You cannot keep subjecting yourself and your children to this emotionally abusive roller-coaster ride.

You have asked him to seek help and he has refused. That leaves you with only two options:
  • continue to do nothing, put up with his negative behaviour and continue to suffer the anguish this brings to your children, and to yourself OR
  • Separate from him. It will be easier for him to leave then to have to move yourself and the children. It he refuses then you will have to get a court order. He may not be abusing you physically, but he is abusing you emotionally, and that is at least as painful and perhaps even more destructive for all of you. Perhps the separation will be a wake-up call, but I wouldn't count on it because he seems too set in his personality problems.

Breaking up is difficult, painful, and not easy to begin, but it is the best course of action for you and your family. I wish you the strength to carry this through.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
he has abused me physically and also emotionally as you said but to leave him will b very difficult as he will call me 50 times a day as he does now he also put a tracking device thing on my phone which i found out he checks everyday i have absolutely no life anymore i feel like a prisoner i want to leave but once again i am too scared to
Dear Katrina,

You cannot accept being a prisoner or a slave. Change your phone. If he harasses you then get legal protection from him. If you fear for your life then move away if you have to. If he is just threatening in his behavior or words, then have the authorities protect you. He is obviously mentally unbalanced. You cannot let him terrify you. You have to defend yourself and your children from this kind of assaultive behaviour.

I understand you are frightened. He is a bully and wants you to be frightened, but if you push back, he will back off.

Be strong and get the law to protect you. That is all you can do, short of fleeing.

God bless you and your family,

Elliott

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