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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My marriage was rocky and my spouse and I decided to stay together

Resolved Question:

My marriage was rocky and my spouse and I decided to stay together until the children went off to college, in the mean time I fell in love with someone else. I never told my spouse about the relationship but assumed we would continue the plan for divorce after the children left home. Now after 2 1/2 years when the time is drawing near, my love & best friend decided we should stop seeing each other, take a break until everything is final. He says it has nothing to do with the fact that he recently reconnected with his high school sweetheart at a class reunion though he immediately friended her and her children on facebook. I am very hurt but what I need to know is, should I just let him go? Should I cut all ties for now? How should I handle it?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like this man has moved on. If he felt that your relationship was still viable, he would wait for you. But he has reconnected to his high school sweetheart and her children, which probably means they at least share a good friendship if not more.


The other clue is his refusal to discuss this relationship with you. He may just not want to face the truth of how he feels about her or he is moving on and doesn't want you to know so rather than lie he avoids the subject.


Either way, this does not look good for your relationship with him. The best way to get answers is to confront him, tell him what you suspect, and let him know you are considering moving on based on what he has told you so far. Ask for an explanation at least so you know how to react. But unless he comes right out and says he still wants to be with you, any other response most likely means he does not intend to wait for you.


If it ends up that you end this relationship, allow yourself time to mourn. It is a loss and you need to allow yourself time to work it out. You will probably feel a variety of feelings, including the urge to convince him to change his mind. But try to find support the best you can from other sources. A clean break is much easier to move on from than one that keeps opening wounds because of additional contact.


I hope this has helped you,

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