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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7554
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I have to decide between two men - one I had been in a 2 year

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I have to decide between two men - one I had been in a 2 year relationship with until a few months ago when I asked for a break, and the one that I met and have had a relationship with in the recent few months
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 5 years ago.
-- So far you're employing rational thought processes to make a decision of the heart. While rationale is something you do have to add to the mix, when it comes to love the large part of decision making must come from the heart.

It seems that you feel because you've invested two years in a man that he should be given a second chance (or third, fourth?) which robs the new fellow of his chance at all.

Rather than go that route, answer from your heart: Does this new man give you a positive outlook on your life that might otherwise seem routine or mundane ?

Are you happier in his company than away from him? Do you feel he's supportive and unconditional ? Do you have more 'good moments' than bad or dull ones?

------- Of course you need to keep in mind that all new relationships lend to that 'giddy' feeling as we learn about each other and anticipate seeing each other, but my impression is that you're mature and know what's what -- you know what is 'newness' and what is going to be there after that 'newness' tapers off.

With regard to the previous relationship (you took a break from) - what I can tell you with all certainty is this: Whatever the reasons were for you needing to take that 'break' - they will always be there. Unless the two of you re-approach your relationship with professional counseling to work through those issues and teach you both how to handle them, how to accept them, correct them or let them go - then as much as you (both) might swear you've learned a lesson and will start 'fresh', you'll be in old patterns eventually and the same reasons you felt you had to end it this time will creep up again.

So lists are fine if you're evaluating a job to take or quit; something to go over with your mechanic about or to take to the grocery store, but in matters of the heart? Lists don't belong there.

Trust how you feel and do what it is right for you. Don't be swayed by the ex's (or the current's) tug of war on the heartstrings. Only you know your heart
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