You may feel this way because that is the way you feel. There doesn't have to be a particular reason although you have many. You could be allowing your stressors to effect your confidence and your mood. When a mood is negative like yours it can lead to this spiraling down. You have your job and your other issues and these may be causing a situational depression. This can resolve itself when the problem goes away. But you have to find your first step towards being happy again. And trust that one stressor at a time will resolve itself. If you are this depressed you have to seek help for this. They can work on what is depressing you and how to help you with it. It is not okay to want to not be with others and to do the things you dream about. Find someone who can help you sort this out. If your depression is not situational as I said you can figure that out with a professional.
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The computer is full of resources to read about situational depression by going online. With your time insight you can learn about yourself and what you are feeling. This is a chance to find out what is happening and dig yourself out of the hole you are building. You can learn about you on your own.
Going to bed but be back tomorrow