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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ive been dating my boyfriend for two years and a half now.

Customer Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for two years and a half now. It's been rocky here and there but we've had good times also like any other relationships. When we started dating, the first year, I would call him the most and do anything for him, wait on him to finish hanging out with his guy friends, buy him so many things, and talk to him. He didn't seem that much into me. So it happened slowly but I just stopped being soo into him like that and now it's completely changed. He seems so into me, sometimes smothering me. This has been a long distant relationship and is currently. The major change is I've gone off to college at a university and his whole attitude has changed. He always interrogates me what I did, who I talked to, where did I go. He gets mad at me for wearing makeup or dressing up nice. With any guy acquaintances, he gets mad at me and starts asking me questions if I like the guys. He always reminds me everyday when we get off the phone to don't cheat on him. I find this really irritating because he does it everyday and I feel like he cannot trust me. I have told him to stop telling me that and to trust me more but we've had so many arguments over this and he still won't stop saying that and interrogating me. I feel like I haven't done anything to make myself untrustworthy. I mostly stick by myself and go study or go to the gym. I don't hang out with any of the guy acquaintances I know. I feel like he gets mad over harmless situations like this one time I was eating lunch by myself and talking to him on the phone. A classmate who's a guy came over and sat across from me and talked to me about how i was doing in Chemistry. My boyfriend flipped out and he told me to stop talking to him. I kind of talked to that guy and just told him exactly how my boyfriend felt and got up and left. It was really awkward. I feel like if I continue, he's just going to try to control me more. I do love him and I still want to be with him. I just can't seem to get him to understand my point. What should I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I am sorry about the delay. Your boyfriend is acting jealous because of his own insecurities. It is nothing you have or have not done. You are not doing anything wrong. This is a blatant case of insecurity on his part. He is showing you how insecure he is about himself. This is leading to him controlling you and your freedom. When he hears a guy's voice he instantly starts thinking of things you could be doing because he feels inadequate. The problem is you can't fix this because it's not your problem. He is insecure and this could get much worse. He is afraid that he will lose you. But this is work he has to do on himself. You can't make him a more secure person. If this doesn't get worse there is a possibility that he could begin to trust but again it is his baggage. You can't convince him to be secure. He needs to do that. It is your decision to stay or go but it may be very difficult for him to do this work if he doesn't want to and you are so far away. The decision is yours. Start by not knocking yourself out to please him when this is all about him.

 

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