How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
52358615
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year.

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We have lived together for past 5 months. A bit rocky lately. He wants re-marriage. (divorced) I am single, never married. Past 2 months have been rocky. I called it 'off' twice and I moved out on last fight. We are back dating to see what will be. He asked for stay together and not date others to work on this relationship. Giving it "one week or 2 or a month and then he will date again". We met online and I believe he will go back to it. The first fight when i called it off, he went to online dating site the very next day! Sent emails to women, etc. I was greatly dismayed he thought so little of me. He just said "Well, you ended it and I want to be married again." We reconciled a week later and when I found out about him on dating site for one week, he deleted his profile. Don't know if he really would have deleted it had I not found the site on his computer. (?!) (We reconciled same day I found his username.)  We have reconciled and a few minor fights but I've noticed him online more frequently. He has told me to 'go ahead and sleep' when we wake in morning and he goes to his computer alone. In addition, I've seen dating site on his computer from afar. Did not confirm this by walking to him. He also has been more focused on his appearance, grooming and losing weight. I am concerned that he may be dating or planning to do so soon. Ugh. I told him my concerns. He denied it. Said he was focused on us. But I see it differently. He is distracted by a new online love interest, I believe. I asked him to prove there is no other by showing my his yahoo email inbox (not giving me password) but to view his mail 'inbox'. He said "No way." So I am suspicious. How do I approach him on my concern that he is back online and communicating with other women?? (If he has a online dating profile, I believe it is hidden as that was when we met.) He is still loving towards me but I feel the distraction and it is hurtful since I am focusing 100% on us.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

You have to find out if your suspicions are true before you assume too much. I would be suspicious if he is doing these things but you have to find out the truth. You have to find out what he is doing before considering it as a distraction. You can't have this relationship continue with no trust. If this takes a couples counselor then so be it. If you think he is online there comes a point where you have to consider that it isn't working. If you think you can resolve this by discussion, counseling and compromise then you should do that. I would monitor the relationship as you have and consider ways to build trust. See if you can foster communication by approaching him when you feel insecure. Then make your decision.

 

If this is helpful press accept

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
How do I go about 'building trust'? Thank you.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
First you have to make your expectations known and ask him to support healthy boundaries in this relationship. If that means that he avoid activities that suggests he is doing something inappropriate then that would be beneficial. As you learn to trust him one step at a time the relationship will benefit. That also means that you both should communicate positively regarding any issues that are causing you uncertainly. Communication is number one. Insecurities can be addressed regularly with communication. If you are struggling, couples counseling would be beneficial even for a short time. Sometimes communication can be taught and this can improve relationships.
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions