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Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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My boyfriend (45 yrs old) just met my sister for first time.

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My boyfriend (45 yrs old) just met my sister (43) for first time. I am the 'baby' (40) of the family, youngest of 5 girls. Upon introduction, he said to her "So you are the youngest one in the family? Then my girlfriend? I could see as you two were standing there that she is older and you younger." Naturally, my sister looked at him in confusion and said "No, she is the youngest in family, then me. Don't you know that yet?" (We have been dating for 1 year. He has met everyone else in my family.) Later than evening, my sister asked me "Does he like to provoke you?" I was perplexed with his comment, confused and hurt. My sister is quite attractive and gets lots of attention from men. She does look younger than her age (thanks to botox, etc). Long story short, I am annoyed with my boyfriend! After dropping my sister off, he brought up the subject saying "I know you will bring it up so I am going to explain that I knew you were youngest. But, women always focus on age and all seem to want to be youngest in age. So I was creating a fun exchange between you two and creating levity to the introduction. I wanted your sister to feel good. I know sisters can be really competitive." (But he was wrong about my bringing up comment, I had dismissed it was not planning to bring it up.) And he further explained "I also tell mother and daughters I am introduced to 'Are you two sisters or mother and daughter?" I find those comments 'smarmy' and insincere. But, perhaps he meant it.... So, I am hurt. Later he said he did not want to cause discord between my sister and me. Well, I feel like he insulted me and my sister is not pleased either. There is a bit of awkwardness between my sister and I now. What gives?? MEN?!! How do I proceed or view his comment? (PS My bf is forgettful and may truly have forgotten who was older. Making his comments all the more inappropriate.)
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 2 years ago.
-- You are apparently dating a fellow who comes from a family of women who were sensitive about their ages and/or men in the family who (innocent ignorance) believed they knew how to make their ladies happy by being, as you correctly describe, "smarmy".

How shallow they must think the women in their lives are. How interesting it would be to see their reaction if you were to pull the same behavior. Upon meeting your beau's brother, father, uncle, high school buddy, etc., comment on how much younger they look than your bf

Let this one incident go. Tell him that he get's this "one free pass" on being a dolt who doesn't appreciate that you (and your sister) are far more than 'looks' and have more depth to yourselves than being giggly girls flattered by obvious and insincere comments like he made.

--- And then, be true to your word and let it go. Never to be spoken of again. Unless he makes the huge mistake of doing something similar in the future - at which time you are free to remind him that his 'one pass' is now revoked and you can proceed to let him have it.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok very good. One pass. And if he does do something so stupid again? "Let him have it" means?? Not sure, 20 lashings? (just kidding)
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 2 years ago.
- Oh there are so many better ways to 'let him have it'. The ultimate is to marry him Wink
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7352
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Rev.Dr. August Abbott and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I thought this issue was over with but it appears my sister is sharing this info with our siblings and other family members. (that upon meeting my bf, he thought she was younger than me) She is quite vain, concerned with aging and I feel she enjoyed his comment greatly. She has said to me since then that perhaps he was only being truthful, forgot I was younger and he tells too much of what he is thinking. (in other words, my sister does NOT think my bf was joking or being smarmy.) Now I am angry with both of them. Especially my sister and I think she has crossed the line with this whole thing. I am further embarrased by her sharing the info with others. I am ready to dump them both. Help! What to do now??!
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 2 years ago.
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