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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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What should I do

Resolved Question:

I have been seeing this guy for 4 months. We live in seperate towns but stay with eachother a few times a week (normally) and talk every other day. Last saturday he asked me if i called numbers from his phone from another phone (I didn't nor would I ever). That day he said he was going through some sh*t and had to take care of it himself. He said I would see him again he just had to deal with this himself. I told him I was here for him and i would help him with what he needed, he just had to let me know. I haven't talked to him since sunday night. Should I contact him on Saturday and ask him to tell me what is going on or just let him go and contact me again when he feels like it. He has been around my kids, he made the decision that he wanted to spend more time with me so we both decided he has to see my kids also. I'm 32 and he is 36 so we are not kids. Two weeks ago he said he wanted me and the kids to meet his daughter and that was a big deal to him. I am not sure if I should push him for an answer or let him go for a while until he figures out what it is he has to figure out. I told him I'd like to see him again, he said that I would; he said he wouldn't leave me waiting but he has. I do like him, but I want to know what's going on. Do I confront him this weekend, tell him that I deserve to know what is going on and it should be to my face or wait another week and see if he comes back on his own. He has some of his things at my house (shoes, clothes, bathroom stuff, etc.) that I want to get to him if it is over between us, but he's never said it that it was over. But we also never went this long without talking to eachother (it will be 3 weeks on saturday that we didn't talk, only through texts).
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like your boyfriend has something going on for sure. And it is something he either does not want you to know because it is bad for your relationship, harmful to him or embarrassing.

 

After four months, you certainly have the right to know what is going on with your boyfriend. This is more than just a few dates, you are both involved with each other and I gather that you are not dating others. So knowing his whereabouts and understanding some of the problem is your right in this relationship.

 

Contact him on Saturday and ask what has been going on. Be up front with him and tell him that you need to have some idea of what is going on so you do not assume the worst. If he does not give you a straight answer, then you have good reason to be concerned. If he is hiding something from you now, then what will he be like in the future?

 

Before you contact him, consider your options. Plan what you will say to each response he may have to your question. That way, you are not caught off guard. Plan for the worst case scenario and the best case. It will help you feel more in control of yourself and the situation.

 

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

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