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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i cheated on my wife off and on for over 15 years i slept with

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i cheated on my wife off and on for over 15 years i slept with one person once but i would get others number or flirt fool around i love her i had a bad child hood it was abusive my father abused my mother and siblings he molested my sisters i seen it start once when i was 9 i fill guilty i dint say any thing i dint get it as bad i wasnt beat on as much as the others i was the youngest of 4 kids i dont know why i did what i did and i cant tell her because of that i fill horrriable that i hurt her that whats the worst on me and i deserve it i would just start talkig to some one and it would lead to hitting on them or flirting and i wouldnt think about it till it was done i would get caught up in the moment of flirting seeking sex from others but after the first time it never went any futher either they wouldnt or id back off can u give me insight on why i done what i done i dont ever want to lose her ill never do it again but she doesnt think so can i stop this after 15 years by my self or am i dilusional and it will start again

You may have a sexual addiction. This is identical to drug addiction. It is the inability to stop any behavior despite the negative consequences. This has become a very legitimate problem and therapists have begun to specialize in this problem. If you are interested in saving your relationship you can find someone to talk to. This can help you identify why you seek out inappropriate sex and what purpose it serves. You can also identify why you do this frequently when you are in a relationship. There is usually a payoff to taking a chance losing your relationship. This is more than just seeking outside comfort. Before you look at your history you have to find out why you can't keep your promise to your wife. There may be some truth to the abuse you have suffered but all of this has to be discussed in a professional setting. You have to really explore all of your issues.

 

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i do really love my wife and dont understand why i would do this and keep doing it i blame myself and only my self it had nothing to do with her can you clairafie on some things and give me some satistics what are usually the top reasons why people who love there partners keep seeking out innapropriate sex or in my case inapropriate sexuall advanses and what is usually the most common pay off people gets while acting out on these impulses can you answer me how can i have these affairs i love her i shouldnt be able to it just happens what is it that makes us do this even tho we love some one
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i do really love my wife and dont understand why i would do this and keep doing it i blame myself and only my self it had nothing to do with her can you clairafie on some things and give me some satistics what are usually the top reasons why people who love there partners keep seeking out innapropriate sex or in my case inapropriate sexuall advanses and what is usually the most common pay off people gets while acting out on these impulses can you answer me how can i have these affairs i love her i shouldnt be able to it just happens what is it that makes us do this even tho we love some one

You have to compare it with drugs to understand. If you know that using cocaine hurts your family you attempt to stop. However hard you try to stop you still crave and use cocaine. It has nothing to do with other people except that you continue to hurt them. The more you try to stop the more cocaine you use. The impulsive thinking is so strong that everything else comes second. Your addiction dominates your life and you use despite risking your job and your family. Any addiction is the same. That is why it has to be addressed by a professional. I don't know what the statistics are except to say that this belief system is fairly recent. But that professionals have begun to recognize this. You can call SA or sex anonymous the 12 step program and get statistic and very interesting reading - try to purchase their Big Book. You will find it very informative.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
why do i have this addiction i have not done any thing in months and dont have the urge will it last or how long will it last will i go back to like before why do i have this addiction and i only had actuall sex with one worst thing i ever did
Addictions become addictions for no reason. Some people would say you just have an addictive personality. I don't know if that is true. An addiction stay dormant unless you do something about it like therapy. It doesn't go away. It lasts forever. That is why it is an addiction. You have to manage triggers. If something is a trigger than you don't allow them to enter your environment. For instance if porn becomes phone sex becomes actual intercourse then you have to interrupt that pattern. It is up to you to figure out your patterns but it is possible. You have to explore your own behavior.
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