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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i just recently got married 3 months ago, my wife and i are

Customer Question

i just recently got married 3 months ago, my wife and i are trying to have a family. We went to doctors to have blood work done, and my wife just told me that she had a promiscuous past, where she had several STD"S and two abortions.

my wife is russian, and i don't speak the langauge, she has an apple computer that she won't let me touch it's pass word protected, but i allow her on my dell computer. She is a jazz singer and has plenty of male musician friends.

I don't feel it's appropriate for her to be contacting her male musician friends now that she's married. however, she not working now and when i'm gone all day, i know she is bored. But i feel as thou she is hiding something from me.

I don't want really cut off her friends, but my family and friends tell me that russian women have a bad reputation for being sluts; and that i should be very careful.

By the way i met my wife on line, about 6 months ago, then we began skyping, i know that she has about 41 male contacts still on her skype page.
I have cut off my friends from calling, because i didn't want to compromise my marriage.

I truly want to trust this woman , especially if she is going to have access to my money! i feel as thou i'm married to a party girl. Should i cut off her contacting male friends (musicians). Also she hides everything from me on her mac, which is not good.

She calls me controlling, remember i don't speak fluent russian, and when she doesn't want me to know something she speaks or writes in russian. I'm beginning not to trust her.

The reason why i question her trust is because she was promiscuous before i met her; and i don't like that it at all. She told me this after i married her. Also she's having trouble getting pregnant, the doctor says that her tubes may be damaged due to chlamydia several times.

My question is should i allow her to still contact her male friends? some are musicians, and some are just friends? please give me your take on this matter.

P.S. i ask her to go to counseling with me she thinks it's a waste of time.
By the way i had one STD my self at the age of 18, i've practice safe sex and no sex ever since. i would only have sex if i was in a serious relationship!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

You really can't dictate her past and you certainly can't project a broad description of a person because of their nationality. Your family may want to spend time getting to know her rather than make broad generalizations. When you married you agreed to love and respect each other. Everyone has a past. It doesn't have to be the same past but most people have a past. If you are considering having a child then you have to accept what each other brings to the table. I am not saying to accept what is negative for face value but you have to now discuss how you feel about this information.

 

As far as her friends, nothing has change. You may be having feelings because you have this new information. If you trust her the sex of her friends shouldn't matter. you can ask for compromises so that you are both happy. If depends on what boundaries you are happy with but don't project this "slut" idea onto her friendships. Talk together and see if she is willing to compromise.

 

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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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