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Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i need to know whether to continue this relationship. my boyfriend

Customer Question

i need to know whether to continue this relationship. my boyfriend is overseas in egypt, im in america. he was working there for the last 8 months and now he has been laid off. we r worried abt bills, and i have many issues with his ex wife and the kids and child support and custody. also he has talked about a ring for 6 months now professing how much he wants to get married but has not bought one yet. we live together and he used to be a great provider and partner, but now we r having issues. im 25, i took a new job to relocate for him to another state and we have a house together. HELP
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You have to decide how serious the issues are and if they can be resolved. That is the number one question here. He may be a provider but the real question is whether these issues are something you can resolve together. When issues become bigger than you then things usually don't work out. It also depends on how much contact the two of you have where you can work on them. Sometimes long distance relationships are difficult because you feel you have no support. You have to come together and work on these issues. Is he receptive. Does he want these problems to just go away. You both have to see where and how you can resolve problems.


These issues seem to be based on his problems = child support, ex wife. Was is he doing to resolve them. You can't solve them by yourself. You have to ask yourself what kind of skills you have right now that result in compromises. This will tell a lot about whether you have a future. Reaching solutions is very important.


If you think there is more heartache than happiness than it isn't working. A relationship is going to have problems but they shouldn't outweigh the benefits. Decide now if the pros outweigh the cons and if this is going to bring you happiness.


If this is helpful press accept

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We do communicate all the time and He is receptive to fixing the issues but he says I want my cake and ice cream and pie as well. I refuse to live with him when he comes back home this month, without a ring. (engagement) and i refuse to deal with another womans crap (child support) and I dont feel i will be supporting a man financially that is instable. I have been there before. Am i too demanding ?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
we communicate all day and we do talk and try to resolve things. he is caring, but he feels that i want to have my cake and ice cream and pie because i want a ring, he needs to get a job and pay bills, and not deal with his ex wifes child support issues.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I think if engagement is your boundary that you are entitled to it. You have to decide if being engaged is worth taking the chance of not being together. That is your decision. As far as child support I don't agree with you. I think when you are with a guy you accept him with his baggage and having to pay child support is that baggage. You shouldn't take crap from her but child support is not his fault. He is taking care of his child. That is not unstable. That is one of his responsibilities. He absolutely needs a job. That is what an adult does. And he of course should pay bills. If that is the instability I totally agree with you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Of course he should pay child support I agree with that. But when he pays two grand a paycheck and the kids r living in the ghetto neighborhood with a mother that has 4 kids total and no job, she uses the money to go out and sleep with men and buy her other children things, etc. I do have issues. but yes engagement is my boundary and i do want a nice ring and a big wedding, things i have dreamed about since i was a child. he has agreed with me on the issues concerning his child. but not having a job is scary and i have supported a man with no job for six months (he left me without notice) and i dont know if i could do it again. I guess the question is, should there be this much struggle (does it make us stronger) or should it be easy ? are these hurdles being put in place to deter us from making a great mistake or is it to make us stronger ?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I know child support can feel very unfair but the choice of how much is unfortunately the court's so fighting that is a losing battle. There is nothing wrong with saying what you want and getting it. You really have to make a decision about the job. If it is going to make you resentful to support him don't. You have that right. Struggles make or break you depending on you as a couple. That is best apparent if you stay together. I think if you maintain your boundaries it can work. I don't think they are about making a great mistake as much as they are about your different personalities. With compromise you will be okay. He has to compromise too

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