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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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my girlfriend says she loves me very much and i am the one

Customer Question

my girlfriend says she loves me very much and i am the one who still owns her heart, but she says that she met someone else and wants to move on cause she doesnt trust me cause of an e-mail she saw that i sent to another girl. i swore to her that it was nothing but she doesnt believe me. i love her and she loves me and we have have tons of things in common, but she doesnt want it anymore.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


Before I can answer, I need to clarify your question. Are you asking about how to reconnect with your girlfriend or are you unsure of how to proceed?



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i am asking how to reconnect and proceed too. she has tremendous love for me but the trust issue is standing in the way. she knows fully well how i feel about her and what i have done for her, but cause she doesnt trust me( i used to me a big womanizer before i met her) she doesnt see a future and i am trying to convince her otherwise cause ido. how i can get through to her?
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

The best thing you can do is to act trustworthy. You need to prove to her that you can be trusted. But words often don't mean much when your actions in the past say differently. So showing her is the only way. Allow her to know where you are and with whom. Keep in close contact with her. Be open with your feelings and volunteer information about yourself. Allow her to ask anything she needs to about you and your past. It may be painful for her, but honesty and openness is necessary for trust to build.



TherapistMaryAnn and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

i have tried all the above and i have been very honest with her, too honest i think. i told her about my past and how i was, and i am that person no more, but she still keeps bringing my past. we are very similiar in personalities and everything , we click on every level, but this trust issue is really hindering my relationship with her.

i spent every moment with cause it feels right, yet for the smallest thing. she freaks out and doesnt trust me.

Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I understand. I would like to continue to work on this issue with you. Please accept the original question so we can keep working on this. Thank you!



Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Thank you.


This is sounding more and more like an issue with your girlfriend. If you have been open and honest (even more than you are comfortable with) and she still is not willing to have a relationship with you, then she may have trouble with trust. Some people have difficulty with trust even if the person they are with is trustworthy or has proven themselves trustworthy. A trust issue like this usually stems from a childhood abuse or dysfunction in the family.


One of the clues is that she continues to bring up your past, even though it has been talked about and you have dealt with it. That is a sign that she cannot accept the situation the way it is. She is pulling up something from her past that keeps her from accepting the truth.


Although you cannot make her do anything she does not want to, you might consider suggesting therapy. Your relationship seems very good on all levels so it is worth taking the time to work on this issue together.


Also, you can use self help to find ways to help your girlfriend see that she needs to work on her trust issues. Here are some resources to help you get started:


The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships by Cynthia L. Wall and Sue Patton Thoele


Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy by David Richo


Broken Promises, Mended Hearts : Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships by Joel D. Block


You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.



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