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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I still work at the same place as my ex lover. What has become

Customer Question

I still work at the same place as my ex lover. What has become clear from the other co worker who is a woman is that my ex lover was in for the "perks" that I gave her. Another reason for the attraction from my ex is that she liked the the fact that I am not "disrespectful" like her first lover, Yet she always offers herself to him. The reason I know that is that I confronted him to say that I believe he was in a sexual reationship with her just like I am . (HE IS MY BOSS). He was aloof and denied it. Odd. The words from his mouth uttered were "She"... then he stopped talking and said he was surprised ( twice) . I shouted " I don't believe you!" and stormed out . A week later my ex is crying to me about her secret being exposed at work and that i might reveal it. I wouldn't do that. Now the other co worker has suggested I cut off all ties including phone calls, Yet I have work with her sometimes and keep a fake smile in place. I'll take any suggestions.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
I don't think you should cut off all ties with her. You both work together and it is good to keep that friendly work environment. You want to still enjoy going to work and being able to focus on your job. Confronting the boss is something that you felt you needed to do because you wanted him to know that you were have relations with her. That you knew what he was doing. He denied it, so you can't e 100 percent sure what is really going on, you can just assume. She is now worried that you will tell her secret to everyone which could in return cause such a problem that she loses her job. So you wouldn't want that too happen, plus you are not going to do this anyways. It is important that you look at how you feel about her and sit her down to discuss what is going on. Right now she is in a tough predicament where she wouldn't know what to do. You are the one right now making the decisions. I'm sure she was surprised you asked the boss that question, buyout wanted to know and get it out in the open. You wanted him to know that it has never been a secret too you. Your ex is now upset crying to you out of fear this secret will get out, but you both need to talk and explain too her that you are not trying to hurt her yo just wanted the boss to know you knew what as going on.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Ok, I in the last couple of weeks I have regained my self esteem and most importantly my emotional control is back at my job. To recap the las t 2 weeks : ex- girlfriend was confused why I wasn't happy and was being avoided by me. So last week she came to where I was working and wanted to be my "friend" , I had a meltdown with lots of anger. She was really tring to understand how I fiqured her behavior out . How nice. I ranted about her lying behavior while telling her "i love you" UGH. GAG. Now this week my self esteem and control has returned. Mainly thanks to David De Angelo. His DVD "Deep Inner Game" has all the info about becoming a man of "High Character" . Setting boundries, self esteem, and anger. Wonderful map for becoming a true man. As for ex gf she has the understanding to stay away except for work related purposes. The relationship with boss has been strained and I offered a friendship to him and he blurted out he "didn't have sex with her". By the way , GF has confessed they did. They were having a sexual relationship and had a falling out. I was the second choice for GF. But i fell in love causing GF to run to old BF. Now its all about me emotionally moving on and building self esteem and confidence. WHAT A PAINFUL BUT NECESSARY EXPERIENCE.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
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Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
1810 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.