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MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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I am 65 dating a woman, 63, I met three months ago. We have

Resolved Question:

I am 65 dating a woman, 63, I met three months ago. We have agreed we are exclusive and get along well, have very similar attitudes and interests and a good sexual attraction to each other. BUT, there's always a but......we go out to dinner or a drink three or four nights a week but she never picks up the tab, not once so far and that doesn't really bother me except now are talking about traveling together. Our financial circumstances are similar as we both own our homes (small mortgages) and our cars etc. She does visit her kids and grand kids in Atlanta (we live in SoCal) but that is not a big expense as she stays with them. My question is: what is realistic for me to expect her to pay for as we proceed in the relationship and especially as it relates to the travel? I have traveled with women before and they always helped with the expenses to the extent they were able.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.

I think the direct approach is best. When you're out one day or simply together take that time to initiate the discussion. You may have to tell her that although you're excited about vacationing with her, you wanted to make sure that both of you have a clear understanding of your financial responsibilities regarding this trip. If it's not feasible for you to foot the entire cost, you can let her know what you can and would be willing to pay for and clearly state that any left over expenses she will have to cover. Now, she may get offended since she's not had to pay for anything thus far but I think this is an important discussion to have as you may find yourself continuing to cover all expenses for the duration of your relationship if you don't.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Given the information I've provided my question is really: what are the normal and customary expectations for the situation I've described? I know I have to broach this topic at some point - sooner rather than later - due to what my feeling are, but as you can tell I am uncertain regarding what are reasonable expectations.
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 5 years ago.
Unfortunately, there are no "normal and customary procedures" for situations like this. I can tell you that some people have an old school mentality when it comes to dating and thus may be your case. Your girlfriend may be from the school of thought that since the two of you are exclusive it is the guy who pays for everything.

At this point, what is reasonable is based on what you're comfortable with doing and how feasible that is. If it's feasible for you to pay for all of the trips expenses(meals, lodging, transportation) but not her spending money and you're comfortable doing so then that's ok. If it's only the meals and transportation then it's ok to let her know that she will have to pay her portion of the lodging and have her own spending money.

It really may be a matter of her knowing what your expectations are. It would be ok to say to her when I've dealt with this type of situation in the past, this is how we handled it.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
There is something seriously wrong with your system for me to be receiving this a third time. I approved the answer the day it was rendered and then again yesterday, 10/5. I am not about to do it again, and hope I am not being charged more than the total $15.00 I agreed to in the first place.

Richard Carnesale

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