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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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Whenever I try and talk to my husband about my feelings or

Resolved Question:

Whenever I try and talk to my husband about my feelings or emotions he gets mad and it turns into a big fight. How do I talk to him without him getting mad and making me feel like I am a terrible person for having feelings?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

Even though another woman would happily respond to "can we talk?" those words are almost guaranteed to make a man go on the defensive. Men, by nature, are do-ers, not talkers. When you start a conversaton like that, he immediately feels like a little boy who is in trouble. When men feel like that, they either run away or go on the offensive and attack.

Another thing to realize is that telling him that he never does something doesn't leave him with much of a way to answer. It would be better to tell him what you DO want him to do, instead of telling him what he's doing wrong. It's very hard for anyone to respond to a "you never" or "you always" statement.

It would really help you to read this book: HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT IT.

It will explain to you why starting a conversation with "can we talk" will almost always end up in a fight. Men think very differently than we do...this book explains the differences, and will help you communicate with him in a way that won't end in fights.

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