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This is a most unfortunate prediciment that you're in as it sounds like family is very important to the both of you.
I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, it sounds to me like you've made some sacrifices and put in a lot of work to support both you and Dave when he was not working.
The fact that he stated that he will move with or without you gives me a little pause.
The both of you have families whose lives you want to be a part of and they all are equally important to both of you.
When you say you want to move, did you two talk about where that would be (in the same general area you're in now, closer to his or your family)?
When you talked about moving closer to his family was this prior to him wanting to move sooner than planned? And what were your plans regarding your family?
I think just as he's finding the time to be a part of his nephew's life, you have to take/make the time to be a part of your family's life.
The two of you should really find a time to sit down and talk about this and share with him just what you've shared with me. That you want to find a way for the both of you to stay together but also a way that both of you can do what's important to each of you and that's be a part of your families.
Have the two of you discussed what the dynamic would possibly look like if you have children? As this is also something to consider.
So, you have to really decide how much more you're willing to sacrifice.
It's not fair for Dave to tell you what your family does or doesn't need because he should know how you feel about wanting to be a part of their lives.
It sounds to me as if you're always the person sacrificing and there needs to be some compromise otherwise you may end up resenting Dave and/or your relationship if you just give in to what he says he needs and wants.
He's clearly made his decision and it doesn't sound like he's really factored you in unless you're willing to just go along with everything he says, needs and wants.
I'm not sure (but I can be wrong) that that's the way you want to live the rest of your life. I agree, the loss of his sister is very tragic but the reality is someone loses someone daily but we also have to figure out how to go on to live our lives. I get that he wants to be there for his nephew but there are ways to do that w/o completely dismissing what it is that you want.