How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1824
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Ive hit a rough patch in relationship in which my gf says

Resolved Question:

I've hit a rough patch in relationship in which my gf says she's not feeling the spark...we went out and had a nice time, kissed and hugged and enjoyed the night...later she wrote me saying that she was grateful for all i've done for her and how i've been and that she loves me very much...i know she's all confused and today we've talked, very normal and she's been starting the conversations..we haven't broken up, should i pull back a bit and see what happens? could her actions mean saying good bye?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Do not pull back, you want to show her that the spark has never left. Some times things happen in life where feeling get blocked. What you need to do is look at when this all started. Did something happen in her life that changed things in the relationship? Did something happen in you relationship with each other that made her put up walls. People often protect their hearts and pull away or say thing they don't mean. She might be trying to tell you something and just wants you to understand. I would try setting up something romantic and really listening to what is going on with her. You both need to establish the connection you once had. I don't want you to get discouraged. I want you to continue to love her and show her that this relationship can work and you both are just going through a stage in your relationship. If you have any more questions I am here to answer.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok we have a long distance...today she brought me to the airport and we both were more loose, said we had a good time i thanked her for everything and she said i didn't have to and thanked me for coming to her graduation...we were more caring hugged more and kissed each other, i can tell that she loves me but has some confusion at the time...i don't want to push her or suffocate her so i'm just being me...she has a ticket to visit me next week but we didn't talk about it, not sure if she's coming or not...what's on my mind if this farewell was for now or for good, i could feel she cared about me but not sure what i can do...
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i guess that what's on my mind is that she said she wasn't feeling that chemistry for her to want to put all herself into the relationship but we didn't break up, we went out next day and things were better and today it was even better...not sure why the break up didn't happen, wouldn't want it to be over phone while being away
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I want you to talk with her and reassure her that you are not going anywhere. When someone says that they are not sure how the other person feels. They are struggling to figure out if they should put all their effort into something that they are only going to lose. She is nervous that you might not be feeling the chemistry. I would talk too her right away about the plane ticket and if she is coming to visit. That is so important that you tell her you want to see her. Tell her you are going to plan something special. I feel like she wants to see more that she might want you to prove too her that this relationship is worth it.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok the part of the chemistry is form her side, that she said on sunday she wasn't feeling it. Then we saw each other last night and it was a nice time. Today our goodbye was great we hugged and kiss but never spoke about our future. We're still on the relationship, I just want for her to feel again that spark. I care for her and lover her, I felt that she cares for me as well but says was confused. Don't know if it's an excuse for something else but I'm behaving as usual. She said that it wasn't our best trip but thanks for coming, not a word on let's continue or let's break, should I prepare for a breakup or just continue along normally. She knows I love her and have done things for her, what can I do so she can feel that again on her side and want to work for us
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
She had said it wasn't your best trip. I think she is looking for more in this relationship. She wants to maybe do something different. I want you to look at if you both always do the same thing every time you visit. You want to create a new spark by doing something new, even if it is talking about new things. I feel she is trying to see where this relationship is going. The signs she is giving you is wanting more. I think you need to ask her what she need from this relationship. Communicating on how she feels is very important right now. She is struggling with her feelings, you need to reassure her that this relationship is always enveloping into more. But don't change who you are always be yourself.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi Deardebra,

Ok we spoke during these days, not about the issue but normally..kidding around and saying i care about you etc...we say i love you to each other, both of us contact the other, she says that she's in love and it's obvious that she loves me...told her that i missed her than when was she coming and she said that this week as planned...everything nice, just one thing: today she changed her email password, should i put thought on that or just assume it's for privacy?

also please let me know if you get the accepts because i have unlimited questions but had an issue with another one which the person didn't get the money.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
You do not have anything to worry about because she changed her password. That s common for people to change their password. This time that she comes I want you do something totally different. I want you to set up something really romantic. I feel like she needs to know how much you care and be shown how much you care. She tell you she loves you so there is no problem there. It is just a matter of you showing her how much you want to be in this relationship. The only way I can get paid for my answers is if you hit the accept button on the questions I answer for you. You both need to find that spark you once had and I feel that you need to be more expressive on how you feel. She could be bored wight he relationship or need more out of the relationship.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1824
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions