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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My girlfriend and I have been dating 6 months. I am 44 and

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My girlfriend and I have been dating 6 months. I am 44 and she is 42.
I have been married before for over 14 years and divorced now going on six years.
She has never been married.

I have been around her parents quite a few times and had a full weekend at the lake with her and her parents over Labor Day weekend.

Over the weekend her father fell and hurt his foot really bad. I even assisted with his care.
On Monday, I attempted to call her father to check on him. My girlfriend got upset with me for doing that and told me that she thought that was weird and out of line and that I shold only go through her to find out anything about her parents.

I was only doing what I would do for anyone that I knew personally that was hurt or sick. I was brought up that way to care for people and let them know I care and thinking of them.

Was I out of line for showing compassion and caring?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

Q: "Was I out of line for showing compassion and caring?"

 

A: No. You were not out of line. Compassion/genuine care are things that do not need another's permission before exhibiting these.

The issue here it seems it not so much that you were concerned but your partner's reaction. Behavior is generally purposeful and triggered by something either internal or external. She may or may not be able to explain why she's reacted this way. Some speculations are: she wants to be the main caregiver/helper, she had not told others the nature of your relationship (or rather the seriousness of it) or, she wants to keep you and her family unattached in the event that she fears that this relationship may not turn into anything more serious than what it had been so far. Another possibility is that her family members are non demonstrative and she what her behavior indicated is a learned reaction to behave like this in such situations. You did what anyone with common sense would have done.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She idicated that she is positive that her girlfriends, if asked, would have the same feelings as her considering that our relationship is only 6 months old.

 

I mentioned that I would be the type of person that would care and check on them also if we were married. Her response was that her sisters husband and her brothers wife don't do that even though they have been married and in the family for years.

 

She finds my reaction to to reach out to her parents to be similarly odd for a man to do as she also thinks it odd that I took my Grandmother do Disney for her 80th birthday, just the two of us. And that I also took my 4 1/2 year old nephew on another occassion to Disney, just the two of us for a week.

 

I just tend to be a tender hearted, caring giving person. Am I odd or different in this area compared to most other men? I was just left feeling confused about my character we had a disagreement in point of view.

 

Where could you see this being an issue in the relationship going forward?

Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Q "Am I odd or different in this area compared to most other men?"

 

A:No. There is nothing odd here (it is her interpretation and also possibly the need for her to be in control 100% and to be viewed as the main helper (ego gratification)

 

 

Q: "Where could you see this being an issue in the relationship going forward?"

 

A: For relationships to work and remain solid, both partners ought to have more traits in common than differences. This does not mean that she can not learn something from you and vice verse. Flexibility is also a key for a relationship to work as well as respecting each other's autonomy. She does not have to agree with everything you do or criticize it either.

Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Dr Rossi and 5 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your advice.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 2 years ago.
You welcome.

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