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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I left my fiance three months ago. We had a silly fight due

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I left my fiance three months ago. We had a silly fight due to my own insecurities. He never tried to contact me after the break-up. About a month later, I heard news that he had moved out of his parents house and had taken up drinking. I went to the place where he was staying to talk to him. He basically shut me out. He told me that I was the best girlfriend he ever had, he thought about me everyday, he thought about my dad everyday (my father passed just when we began our relationship and he stood by me the whole time), he didn't want to take me down with him, there was a big secret that would have caused us to break up, and "he loved me--past tense". Well he blocked me on facebook but I think that was because I deleted him beforehand. I havent talked to him since, but I am worried about him. His mom ended up cheating on his dad with an inmate as the three of us used to work together at a prison. Needless to say, this has embarassed him, plus he was physically abused and emotionally neglected as a child. Since then, I have been told that he had been coming to work drunk and vomitting and he is trying to talk to some skanky girls. Then, my cousin said she talked to him days after the break-up and he said he "loved me and wanted to marry me" and that he was heartbroken. At the end of last weekend, they were doing roadchecks for an escaped inmate and my sister in law was stopped by one of the guards. My ex comes over from the prison van and around her car. He makes the other guy go check someone elses car and he hugs her. He asked about all the family and said he didn't know how we felt about him. She said he held her up kind of and then she said she had to get to work and he hugged her again. She described the hug as "the way a mother would hug her child". She said he looked depressed, he was not clean cut like he used to keep, and he felt very thin. He added my best friend whom he hated on facebook about three weeks ago. All his facebook status' are so morbid and we discovered his status as in a relationship. However, we can't figure out who the girl is and no one had any clue about this. Some of the people I talk to thinks he is faking it. I'm not sure. Anyway, my other best friend's sister that works were he does talked to him just after they discovered all the evidence on his mom (2 weeks ago) and she talked to him. She asked him if he had talked to me and he said no, he loved me, and he can't put me through all this stuff with his family. I don't understand it. I do love him, but I wonder what the truth is. If he is just pacifying people with that or if its true. Please help me make sense of this

It sounds like the only explanation for his changing behavior is that he himself is very confused. If he doesn't know what he wants then you can't know either. He may be going through an emotional experience he may need time to really self evaluate what he wants and how to get it. I would let go a little bit so that he can figure things out. Eventually he will work out his own life and you may get that phone call. For right now let him work on his issues. All of that background may not be the issue. That is why you have to let him work it out. Let him decide what help he needs. I know it is hard to be patient but you have to do that. He will be a greater partner if he believes in what he is doing. If he doesn't come around soon then give him a call

 

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