Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Thank you for serving our country. I am so...ooo very sorry to hear about this and about how much he is hurting you. First, please excuse my ignorance about what services are available to you where you are. I don't know this, nor know where you are. So please bring me up to date about that. Where you and he are. Are you still in Japan where he is? Have you tried talking to him? If you haven't already, you might try sitting down with him and discussing with him whether he would go to couples therapy with you. Start off with saying, for the sake of the children. If he agrees then the couples counselor will take it from there and, of course, will get into your relationship with the both of you.
If he does not agree to go to couples counseling, I would strongly urge you to seek out a therapist for yourself. You don't deserve to have to deal with this pain by yourself.
Let me know where you are, including zip code, so that I can assist you in finding help. If he would agree to couples counseling, that would be great because then you would have a neutral party dealing with him and discussing the impact on the children of his behaviour and, of course, it would get to dealing with the relationship between the two of you.
I see you are offline so I'll pause here and await your response so that we may continue with our chat.