I am seeing a therapist already. Just wanted another opinion. Seems as if my DIL has a narcassistic personality and my sister pointed out that my son may share that disorder. We have tried talking with my son and DIL. My son suggested that if his wife farted, I'm supposed to say it smells like roses.. his words. His Dad told him that it's all about forgiveness. No one is perfect and with family you overlook the petty stuff. My son replied that it had nothing to do with forgiveness. He told his dad that I made everyone think his wife is mean. His wife did that all by herself. She has had problems with several different family members. I agree that it can't keep going on like it is. It makes everyone miserable. My son is finally talking to his dad. My therapist says I can't change how they are but I can change how I deal with them. I'm just not sure how. I've been walking on egg shells for years and I don't know the "how" I'm supposed to be now.
Funny thing is I'm a peacemaker and a "fixer". This is something I've not been able to fix. I became a robot when my son and his family were in. Keeping a smile on my face, doing what they wanted or not doing what they wanted. All to keep peace.. I've tried so hard to not give my DIL anything to pick apart. She can find it no matter what. She has made my son choose us or herself more than once. My son has always been close to his family. Until now. I never thought we would ever be in this mess. They live 6 hrs away and only come in every couple of months for a nite or two. They stay with my husbands dad. I love my son and DIL. In fact I had my daughter introduce them! I don't think getting us all together for group counciling will happen. My son loves to argue and will try and wear you down until you see it his way. He "goes ballistic" when you don't agree. I know we all need to have different tools to communicate.Would love to have a good conversation without all the drama. I hate drama. The therapist I'm seeing says it seems to her no matter what I do, either now or three mo. from now, my DIL looks for things to pick apart. Thank you for your input. I still need to know what I can do... My son said until I "make things right" he will not come over. I am accepting your answer but I still feel like I'm back where I was.
I have been honest with my therapist. No one is perfect. But isn't that what we are asked to do? State what is happening the best we can? I can't say how or why anyone else feels or does what they do. I can only represent myself. I'm not asking to be absolved from any mistakes I've made. I'm looking to try and make things better. My husband even went with me on my last vist to the therapist. He's tired of the way things are also. But unlike me, he has no trouble telling it like it is. Either you like him or not. He doesn't walk on eggshells. What do you do when you can't get everyone in for counceling? You sure you don't have a magic wand somewhere up your sleeve??? LOL I pray every nite for God to help heal our family. I appreciate your input. Thank you.