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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I left my fiance three months ago. We had a silly fight due

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I left my fiance three months ago. We had a silly fight due to my own insecurities. He never tried to contact me after the break-up. About a month later, I heard news that he had moved out of his parents house and had taken up drinking. I went to the place where he was staying to talk to him. He basically shut me out. He told me that I was the best girlfriend he ever had, he thought about me everyday, he thought about my dad everyday (my father passed just when we began our relationship and he stood by me the whole time), he didn't want to take me down with him, there was a big secret that would have caused us to break up, and "he loved me--past tense". Well he blocked me on facebook but I think that was because I deleted him beforehand. I havent talked to him since, but I am worried about him. His mom ended up cheating on his dad with an inmate as the three of us used to work together at a prison. Needless to say, this has embarassed him, plus he was physically abused and emotionally neglected as a child. Since then, I have been told that he had been coming to work drunk and vomitting and he is trying to talk to some skanky girls. Then, my cousin said she talked to him days after the break-up and he said he "loved me and wanted to marry me" and that he was heartbroken. At the end of last weekend, they were doing roadchecks for an escaped inmate and my sister in law was stopped by one of the guards. My ex comes over from the prison van and around her car. He makes the other guy go check someone elses car and he hugs her. He asked about all the family and said he didn't know how we felt about him. She said he held her up kind of and then she said she had to get to work and he hugged her again. She described the hug as "the way a mother would hug her child". She said he looked depressed, he was not clean cut like he used to keep, and he felt very thin. He added my best friend whom he hated on facebook about three weeks ago. All his facebook status' are so morbid and we discovered his status as in a relationship. However, we can't figure out who the girl is and no one had any clue about this. Some of the people I talk to thinks he is faking it. I'm not sure. Anyway, my other best friend's sister that works were he does talked to him just after they discovered all the evidence on his mom (2 weeks ago) and she talked to him. She asked him if he had talked to me and he said no, he loved me, and he can't put me through all this stuff with his family. I don't understand it. I do love him, but I wonder what the truth is. If he is just pacifying people with that or if its true. Please help me make sense of this.
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Dear friend,

If you care about this man, then both of you need to stop playing games. Go to him again and level with him and tell him that you want to work things out. It won't cost you a thing to be honest and upfront with him.

If he accepts you, then thigs can get back on track, perhaps a little differently, but still you have to understand and accept each other's needs and not fly off the handle and overreact so much.

Since the breakup, he has fallen down a lot and you must be patient with him. You must understand that he has perhaps not been keeping the best company, and that there is some family issues he has to work out.

If he accepts you, then stand by him like he stood by you in your moment of need. He is a protetor and a good man. You have to help him to get back on his feet again and you will have to be persistent and patient. Don't be put off if he is a bit reluctant at first. Keep trying and I believe you will reach your objective.

Be strong and persevere.

Warm regards, XXXXX NCCC
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Do you think based on the things he is saying that he still loves me or is he just pacifying those around him so they don't look at him badly for rejecting a good girl?
Dear friend,

I think that he loves you, although his self-esteem has dropped and he may be suffering from depression. If he pushes you away at first, I think it will be self-protective. Tell him you are sorry for your part. If you are both humble you can make this thing work again. He really needs to be lifted up, and if you have the strength and the courage to persist, then you will be rewarded with a good man.

My very best wishes,

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