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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I started seeing this girl. She is the sister of my brothers

Resolved Question:

I started seeing this girl. She is the sister of my brother's girlfriend, who have been dating for over two years. I really like her, but she is always concerned about our age difference. I am 23 and she is 34. We kissed a few times, and i can't stop thinking about her. How do i know if she wants to be in a real relationship, because she seems hesitant to tell anyone about us?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

This woman probably likes you very much and finds you as attractive as you find her attractive. The kissing was probably good too and you both are thinking about that.

I will tell you why she is hesitant and with that understanding you can take it from there:

  • In our society, it is a bit out of the ordinary norm for people of dispoarate ages to date one another.
  • People might call her a cradle robber
  • they may call her a cougar.
  • she may feel that they will talk behind her back, including her family and your family
  • women often fear aging and fear the competition from younger women, thus may fear that you will not find her attractive in a few years and dump her for a younger women, if she lets this relationship develop

On the other hand, a women in her thirties is just starting to hit her stride, has more maturity and sense, and may be a much better "kisser".

Since women outlive men, it really makes more sense for women to take men about 10 years younger then them.

Talk to her about these things if you want to, or still better, just don't even mention anything and let your relationship unfold if that is wht is going to happen.

Having this understanding will help you. I think you may be onto somehting good. The old saying says, "'Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all". Perhaps you will love and win. It's worth a try.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
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