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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I was very much in love with my wife and the lifestyle of raising

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I was very much in love with my wife and the lifestyle of raising our family for thirteen years. Now four years later after our divorce, I am in my first serious relationship and find myself comparing my feelings for my girlfriend of one year with the feelings I had for my ex-wife when I was married to her. It distracts me from focusing on my new relationship because my feelings are not as certain as they were when I was married and I am now involved in a blended family situation. What would you advise that I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You obviously have to see these 2 relationships as completely separate. Make a note of the positives that you have found in your girlfriend and work to make those stronger. If you have a level of compatibility than work to solidify that. One thing you must avoid is romanticizing. This is where you remember all the positives of a person or relationship. You do not focus of course on all the negative qualities. This gives you the ability to forget the things were awful and those leading to the breakup. If you can accomplish both of these skills then you will stop comparing. A lot of times we want to remember things with rose colored glasses. That leads to such a situation as this. Focus what is positive about your girlfriend and how to be a healthy family. When any thought about your ex comes to your mind immediately put this out of your mind. It can also be a way to avoid stress in your present relationship. We always remember things better than they were.


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