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Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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Hi, I need a few tips of what I can do to get my ex back.

Customer Question

Hi,

I need a few tips of what I can do to get my ex back. I was in a relation for 1 year and a half. In the beginning of the relation she was the one running after me. Then we settled in a relation and we seemed to love each other so much. She used to tell me i am the one and that she will never find someone like me who respects and love her so much. Then all of a sudden I started noticing that during the last month of the relationship, she lost attraction and started sending 1 word text messaging answers, … I felt it. Then she told me we need to talk and told me that she was not feeling that spark which she felt in the beginning anymore. She told me to stop for a break and I agreed with her. In a nut schell, we met again after 10 days and she told me that she did not miss me and that she wants to quit this relation. I agreed with her. Did not text her for a whole month and a half, and she did not text me back either. I made the biggest mistake to send her flowers for her birthday after one month and a half and a card, telling her I am there for her. She texted me and told me that she made thinks clear the month before, and that things are not solved that way, and that love has to be reciprocate to keep the relationship strong. She was right i know when you send flowers etc you will push her further away, because that is not the reason she broke up with me. A week after I texted her saying the following… “ hi just wanted to tell you that you were right, the break up was definatly for the best. No hard feelings!” to show her in a good manner that I moved on and accepted the breakup. She replied short and sweet, “ I know, that’s why I decided.

Do you think it is all over, and is there any chance she will change her mind and realizes with that last message I sent her? Now 2 months passed from the break up and i really do not know what to do next. Personally i think she is sure abt her decision and mayby even worse there is someone else in her back of her mind. She also unfriend me from facebook 4 weeks after we broke up, mayby that is a bit of a good sign.

I really appreciate if you could answer me and help me with my case as i will do anything if she comes back crawling to me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

It sounds like you both have not been completely honest about the break up. That happens a lot because people want to appear that they are the one okay when really they want the relationship back. This back and forth bravado leads to both people pretending that they want to seem okay so not to look like the one in pain. Before I worry about if she will come back be honest. Tell her that it was all a mistake and that you miss her terribly. Then see how she feels too. Her answer may just have been a way to look like she is okay because she thought you were okay. Of course you have to consider that she was telling the truth. That one message will probably tell you everything you need to know. There is no way to get her back but with total honesty and putting yourself out there. She hasn't cut off communication completely but you don't know if she wants a friend. Be honest and put yourself out there - it's the only way

 

If this has been helpful press accept

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

The problem is that my fear is that if tell her how i feel, it is not healthy from my side. If she decided to quit the relation, than i think it is up to her if she wants to come back. Do you think if i show her that i love her she will come back? She surly knows that i love her with all my heart as i told her several times and when i sent her flowers, i told her that in the card i gave her. What if she sees me with another woomen?do you think that will freak her out? She was always very caring to me during the relation, and i have never imagined she will do that to me.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
When i read Other advices, Evryone told me to use the no contact rule for example, and not to show her that i still have feelings for her. I have to use the reverse psycology.How can by keep telling her that i love how, get her back???
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.

Hi when you read other advice that tells you to observe the no contact rule there is a good reason for that. It has nothing to do at all with reverse psychology. The thing is that you the more you tell her that you love her and try to win her back the more you will push her away. Its clear that you cant see this but the reason the no contact rule works as well as it does is that you are not the first person who has broken up with someone who wants them back. You are not the first person whose inclination is to contact and convince, force if need be the person to hear you. It does not work.

Now you may not like the answer, but its the expert answer. It is the answer that works. If you were hoping for the "just tell me what which I wish to hear" site then posting here was a mistake. This is an expert site where professionals deal with these types of situations every day and we know what works.

If you are ready to hear more I am happy to help you on this but if you only wish to hear that which makes you feel better, well then............not much I can do for you.
I wish you all the best either way. I know your heart is broken and that you are very desperate indeed. Feel better soon whatever you choose.

Warm regards,

Cathy

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I am very pleased with your answer.So you think the best way to win her heart back in my cas is to tell her how i really feel right now..??

 

I really appricate your answer indeed.I want you to help me more of what i can do. In fact i am accepting your answer..

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
I need to know if i tell her how i really feel after two months, or shall i give some more time?
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.

I don't think that you understood my answer. I responded that NO, you should not tell her how you feel. You should not contact her under any circumstances. I do not think what either expert has told you is what you wish to hear.

The expert answer is no contact at all until such time she contacts you and if at the time she contacts you you are not in any way to continue to overburden her with your feelings. If she contacts you again, you are to listen to her and her feelings, not put your feelings out there.

Let me know if I can help you further on this please? I am not certain I have said this such a way that it is clear and I understand how much pain you arein and would like to help you. Cathy

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks cathy for your prompt reply. I really appricaite that you can help me with this issue. I used the no contact rule as said above, than i know i had made the biggest mistake of sending her flowers and a card after a month and a half telling her i am willing to wait for you and give you time and space she needed.Then abt 15 days ago i told her i accepted the break up which i honestly think it is the best move so far. She replied hen i text her, but she never texted me first for a bit more than two months now. I think i hould wait a bit longer and never contact her agin until she does at this stage. Te last time we met when we broke up she told me i could be sorry with this decision the near future, so i definatly think that deep down she feels a bit guilty, thats why she unfriended me from facebook 4 weeks after the broke up and abt 3 weeks ago she unfriended my two sisters, which she was really close to! Something more to add is that two weeks afer we broke up i went abroad with my friends and when i came back i posted the photos of me and my friends on my facebook wall. Do you think she was probbably pissed off with that?Last question do you think she will contact me in the near future if i will strictly keep on going with the no contact rule? I really appricate you help and the professional work you are doing.
Expert:  Cathy replied 3 years ago.
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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks cathy i agree with you... give me some time and i will accept your answer again as i have some problems with the visa card. One last question i have to ask you?Shall i contact her at this stage just to show a bit of an interest to see how she is going? I will never give up Cathy, and i will continue in trying my best to win her heart back again.Seems if i do not contact her anymore she will surly move on 100%..

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Cathy
Cathy
Counselor
1436 Satisfied Customers
Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice