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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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do i need to worry and if so do i need to worry about my mental

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do i need to worry? and if so do i need to worry about my mental health here? it was my fiancé's 25th birthday tonight and i missed it because i'm sick. he met some friends for dinner and afterwards they went to a bar. however, one of our good friends brought his little sister and it was her 22nd birthday too. i've meet this girl before and have had good times with her whenever we're out. but i don't feel good about tonight, i feel guilty that i wasn't there and that i'm even considering something between my fiancé and this girl. but i can't help it! i have not felt that there's a trust issue or anything with my man since we first started dating four years ago and i was just getting to know him then. so tonight this girl and my fiancé text jokes back and forth just calling each other names, according to my fiancé, this girl and him did shots together that others had got for them and got pretty wasted, so she just starts texting him gibberish and that was the end of their texting for the evening. i don't feel good about their texting back and forth, and i feel ridiculous. she is very pretty, sweet, and young! the first time we met, my fiancé, myself, her, and her brother all went to a movie, she remained close to my fiancé that night and was constantly laughing and making him laugh. i felt strange and insecure that night too. but since then the four of us have been together on two separate occasions and have had a good time together. but after hearing from my fiancé tonight about how "messed up" he and this girl got together, i got an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I'm feeling so insecure about this girl over practically nothing other than the fact i think she's prettier than i am and maybe smarter. she's very petite, I'm tall and curvy. she's in med school and I'm in nurse practitioner school. while I'm only a year and a half older than her, i feel old when I'm around her because she's very naive and sweet. is my insecurity to blame for this sickening feeling in my stomach?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It may be that your guilt explains the first night on his birthday. You may have been feelings guilty and then felt insecure because you weren't there with him when you feel you should have been. Since that time your insecurities are coming through. If you don't think they did anything they shouldn't have then this is about your insecurities. Your description of her really suggests that you are more worried about her physical appeal to your husband rather than real evidence that anything is happening. Insecurity can cause some serious concerns that aren't valid. Your description of her proves that you are for some reason insecure about her and less secure about you. You can't let your worries about her looks and her situation to overcome your security in this relationship. If that happens then it becomes jealousy and eventually the end of the relationship.


You have to talk about your partner about your insecurities. Ask for reassurance. Ask for him to be a loving partner. Ask to go along and show you in public that you are his choice. Involve him in resolving these feelings you are having. Then you will learn to dissolve the fears that you have


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