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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been trying to work on my relationship with my wife

Customer Question

I have been trying to work on my relationship with my wife after a 9 month seperation. We had believed that many of our problems were related to a business that we were running during our marriage. During our seperation I dated a woman who made me feel amazing about me, who made me feel wanted; that relationship is over, but now I am constantly feeling unhappy with my wife and my relationship. I am comparing the two constantly in my mind, and can not seem to change my thinking for any significant amount of time. Is it fair to stay, and continue to work on this relationship with my wife? I do love my wife, and we are great friends, but I feel a great lack of passion. Is there anything I can do to change this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

The relationship with your wife has probably reached the stage where it is comfortable. This happens to every relationship. The relationship with the new person is not going to be the same as one that has been going for years. A new relationship offers excitement and new adventures. They are not going to be in the same stage and it is unfair to compare them. The new relationship eventually will sizzle out and be comfortable too. You have to keep this in mind when making a decision. If the relationship with your wife is not working then end it. If you think it has no future don't waste either of your time. You can still be friends but it isn't fair to be with your wife when you know you really are past loving her as a partner. Don't make this about the other woman. Make this about whether there is a partnership that is worth saving. There has to be a total commitment on both your parts. If you feel yourself pulling away then it's time to move on.


The only thing you can do to change this is to do some soul searching. You have to be focused on this relationship and if not it may be time to let it go. You can give counseling a another try but the decision is yours


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