The relationship with your wife has probably reached the stage where it is comfortable. This happens to every relationship. The relationship with the new person is not going to be the same as one that has been going for years. A new relationship offers excitement and new adventures. They are not going to be in the same stage and it is unfair to compare them. The new relationship eventually will sizzle out and be comfortable too. You have to keep this in mind when making a decision. If the relationship with your wife is not working then end it. If you think it has no future don't waste either of your time. You can still be friends but it isn't fair to be with your wife when you know you really are past loving her as a partner. Don't make this about the other woman. Make this about whether there is a partnership that is worth saving. There has to be a total commitment on both your parts. If you feel yourself pulling away then it's time to move on.
The only thing you can do to change this is to do some soul searching. You have to be focused on this relationship and if not it may be time to let it go. You can give counseling a another try but the decision is yours
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