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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hey, I have a boyfriend who I love and who I know loves me

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Hey, I have a boyfriend who I love and who I know loves me I'm just unsure if it's to the same degree. I recently made the stupid mistake of talking about a threesome even though its something I would never be able to handle emotionally. I only did it because I knew it was something he wanted to do, and I guess I feel that I need to do these things to keep him interested in me. I told him sorry for bringing it up but that I would really appreciate it if we never talked about it anymore. I told him that I had no desire to have sex with or be touched by any other person except for him and I like to pretend he feels the same way. (Expecting him to tell me he doesn't either) when he didn't I mentioned I expected him to say he didn't want anyone else either he just said there is no point in lying about it. I know that I am pretty old fashioned and its not fair for me to push my values on other people. It just really hurts to know that someone I give myself to completely doesn't feel the same way. I just wanted to know if this is a normal thing, do happily married men who have no problems with their wives feel the same way? Is it just a guy thing? I'm worried because we've been arguing a lot lately and I'm afraid if I don't let him think I want to do these things too he won't want to stay with me. I guess what I'm asking is if this should even be a concern, if it means he loves me any less, if it means he might have a higher chance of cheating, but mostly is this a normal thing?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Threesomes are more common with men and usually involve fantasizing only. Women tend to not want to participate in such an activity. I fear that you will participate either to please him or fearing that he will leave if you don't. Either reason will lead to multiple issues in the relationship including you resenting him, you being sorry that you did this and your feeling guilty. A person that loves you would never allow you to participate in activities that you find so distasteful. This proves that sexually he is totally self centered and think of himself only. He should not want you to do something so against what you believe him. This is not common with men beyond just macho talk. This is not normal and if it was it wouldn't matter. It should not be part of a loving monogamous relationship. You have to stay with your own convictions because once you do it you will be sorry. If he is faithful he should accept this relationship as enough.


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