Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your partner has not given up the other relationship. He is either having trouble telling the other person the relationship is over or he is still cheating. He should not need to escape reality with another woman. People in committed relationships do not do that.
If he is lying to you about most things, then the trust between you is threatened. And in order for your relationship to be successful, you need to be able to trust one another.
If he wants to be with you and save the relationship, he needs to end all contact and be open about who he is talking with, who he sees and where he is when he is not with you. If he cannot do that, then he is not serious about your relationship.
Being depressed does not cause a person to lie and cheat. When someone is depressed, they need to get therapy to help them feel better. Your partner should focus on getting help and on repairing your relationship. If he is willing, see a therapist together. If not, you may want to reconsider your relationship.
I hope this helps you,
It sounds like your boyfriend is cheating again. Like you said, this person who sent the letter knows too much about your situation to be a stranger or just someone trying to break you up. If they were trying to break you up, what would be their motivation for doing so? The only reasons they would want to do something like that would be 1) because they dislike your him intensely or 2) because he is cheating and they are angry he won't leave you.
Ask him to go to counseling with you. You need to have someone help you both work this out. A therapist can work with you to see if the relationship can be saved. The therapist can also help you confront him to see what the truth might be, if you want to do that. Try talking to your doctor for a referral. Or contact your local United Way to find resources in your area for low cost/no cost counseling.
While there is no real way to tell if someone is lying to you (short of a lie detector), his past history did destroy your trust so it is up to him to help you rebuild it. He needs to prove to you anyway he can that he is not cheating. That means being accountable for his actions, whereabouts and answering any questions you have about what he is up to.
The fact that he did not take your offer to pay his bills means he either does not believe you will do it and you will have called his bluff, or he really is not cheating and doesn't want to go.
thank you for all ur advice, we are getting married in july as we both realise we want to be together forever
You're welcome. Congratulations! My best to you!