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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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After an amazing 12 months or so, my gf now avoids sex, but

Customer Question

After an amazing 12 months or so, my gf now avoids sex, but says she still loves me, yet refuses to say anything else or explain what she means (gets angry at me if I ask), and will not speak to a counsellor (which I have done).

How can I tell if she is not IN love with me any more? (& just staying for the other lifestyle benefits I provide as she has nothing else herself)
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

The person that knows if she is in love is her. You have to believe she is love for this relationship to succeed. If there is doubt when discussing this than that is a problem. Find a quiet time to discuss all your doubts with her. You have to believe that she wants this relationship. Maybe in providing so much you are feeling that she loves you for what you can do for her. Tell her that. That can be a source of insecurity and lead to greater relationship problems. Ask her to see a counselor IF it is for a few sessions. That could make her more receptive. Or tell her she needs to do this for the relationship to be stronger. If she refuses out of fear then research etherapy where you both can sit in front of the computer as a couple and participate in counseling without leaving your house and without facing a counselor. See if this helps to make her more open to the idea. You have to engage her for there to be a resolution.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for your response.

I think I have exhausted the options for counselling as individuals or a couple to understand and hopefully strengthen the relationship. It is likely that she has her own insecurities, but will not open up to discuss them with me or anyone else,so if she continues to refuse to participate or engage me, then I can only give her time and space for now and hope we can communicate better in the future without the relationship deteriorating too far to a unsustainable level.

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I am sorry to say you are right. We can't do what others do not allow us to do. You can't make her be open to your suggestions and embrace your ideas. I think your solution is the best if the others are not possible

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