I am having a very hard time breaking free from a toxic relationship. It is an affair I had with a much younger man, and it was very verbally abusive on his part. Still, I find myself wanting things back the way they "used to be" before the verbal abuse started. He actually lived with us for awhile, and the physical relationship was incredible. So much so that I can't get it out of my mind enough to let him go. My husband and I have no physical relationship as I am totally uninterested in him in that way. I am only interested in a physical relationship with this younger man. It's terrible.
It sounds like there is a possibility that you are romanticizing this younger guy. That is what we call this when you remember the positive things about the relationship but minimize the negative things like verbal abuse. This helps people return to toxic relationships where the abuse is almost forgotten or you find yourself remembering the relationship as better than it is. You need to remove your focus on what once was and focus on your husband. If you truly aren't interested then move on and allow him the same. Don't fill a void with this negative relationship or one that isn't working. There is marriage counseling if you want your marriage to work. Decide what you want and pursue that but don't assume that any relationship can return to earlier times or be different because some time has passed. I would focus on the relationship you want and make that happen.
If this has been helpful press accept