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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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How can i tell if my partner is just being overly cautious

Customer Question

How can i tell if my partner is just being overly cautious or just weak willed? Because he seems to make excuses why he shouldn't say something to her if it means standing up for himself against her. And it's driving me crazy to sit back and watch her walk allover him, and i can't say anything to her because then he'll get upset wit me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

My initial thought was that he was weak-willed, and this pattern was just a continuation of his weakness and the pattern he had previously establsihed with this woman over the years.

He may be legally divorced, but he is still under her thumb. And he doesn't want you getting in the way.

He is frightened of her. It may be because he feels that his relationship with his child is at risk. I gave him the benefit of the doubt on that, but I think that he is not a very forceful man. He can command you, but he cannot command his ex. That is somewhat ironic but she has a firmer grip on him than you apparently do.

It is unfortunate that you are relegated to the stature of bystander in this situation. Your best stategy is to do nothing, and that is not very satisfying to you, who wants to facilitate some kind of activist action to promote positive change.

The only leverage you might have on your partner is to tell him that you are dissatisfied with the relationship and exactly why you are dissatisfied.

If your relationship seems to him to be at risk, then you might get some action ouf him.

You are also hampered by your fear of him getting upset with you. He uses her techniques of keeping you in your place.

Finally, you stated that "t's driving me crazy to sit back and watch her walk allover him, and i can't say anything to her because then he'll get upset wit me." Ask yourself, which bothers you the most: watching him cave in to her demands, or feeling that you are obliged to cave in to his demands. Just think about that for a bit and see how you sort it out in your mind.

I hope I'm helping to shed a bit of light on this for you.

SSS

Warmest regards

Elliott

PS if you get back to me very soon, I will not be available until the morning. I have reached the end of my day and will be off to dreamland now

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