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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend instigates an argument so he goes and does something

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My boyfriend instigates an argument so he goes and does something else, eleven times in 3 years. Been together 5 and still wont divorce, sharing current account and car etc in his maritial home. We have lived together for 3 years. I feel he does love me but needs to escape now and again. Many years unhappy in his marriage but had numerous casual affairs. He left his wife for me but wont divorce. I found that out later. I love him but how long can I go on, I am getting paranoid and confused with my own feelings towards him. He lies alot so he can go and help his enstraged wife jobs around the house or lifts and stays with his brother too. But does sometimes refuse when she phones. His daughters say he is happier with me than they have seen with their mum. Is he a man that needs to be on his own, he says no. does he feel safe with me and happy but needs his space ... I have met her and dont feel any competition between us, I feel their meeting have to take place for the sake of his grown up children and grandchildren, I am at their event alot. He and his brother own property abroad and wants to sell it so we can get something together. I am not sure to even do this with him, I am sensitive as a person, but my front door has become a revolving door for him.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If you have the basic requirements for a relationship then you shouldn't buy anything or do anything permanent. You do not have fidelity trust or communication. You are not in a position to consider property. Sharing a living space isn't enough. No one should be "starting" arguments to get to do things they want to do. That is a sign that the communication is not what it should be. I would also advise that you avoid talking to kids about your relationship versus their mother's. You have to decide if this relationship is strong enough to have the kind of bond that does not involve these kinds of problems. Lying and cheating alone is not a healthy relationship. If you are a revolving door you have to make changes that puts an end to that. You shouldn't' tolerate anyone treating you this way. You can always end the cycle. If you want to stay then consider a couples counselor or developing communication. He has to decide what he wants too. You can't be somebody that he returns to when he wants to.


Consider counseling. Find a copy of Mars and Venus Together Forever. Protect yourself from any problems down the line by not entering into anything permanent. Sit him down and talk to him about your concerns. Consider couples counseling online if he is resistant to going to see a professional.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

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