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MrsRuss0114
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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Recently i was helping my boyfriend move, and discovered that

Customer Question

Recently i was helping my boyfriend move, and discovered that he has kept a box containing his mother's ashes for over 20 years since she died. He is a 46 year old man with an ex-wife and two children, and seems defensive and unwilling to discuss finding a final resting place for his mother's remains. He has two siblings but they are not very close. I would like to know what I could suggest, and whether this seems very odd to you! I found it kind of disturbing.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 3 years ago.

Russ0114 : Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.
Russ0114 : Possibly talking to him about the things his mother liked to do or places she either visited that she loved or wanted to visit as a way of opening the door to the conversation of giving her a final resting place and/or spreading her ashes.
Russ0114 : Many people keep their loved ones ashes but I'm not so sure about them just being in a box, that strikes me as kind of odd.
Russ0114 : Where did you find them?
Customer :

in a cupboard in the living room, while packing boxes to move.

Customer :

by the way, this IS confidential right? No will be able to google me and find this online anywhere, correct?

Customer :

PS. I knew her when she was alive, so those conversations would seem redundant.

Russ0114 :

Hello, I'm not sure if you're here or not as it says that you're initializing...

Russ0114 :

Okay, there you are!

Russ0114 :

Ok, no, you won't be able to be googled and find this discussion

Russ0114 :

I do find it odd that she was in a cupboard in a box

Russ0114 :

And since you knew her, then maybe you can suggest that she be placed in her favorite place

Russ0114 :

Has he been open as to why he still has the ashes stored away?

Russ0114 :

Are you still there?

Russ0114 :

If he doesn't seem open to spreading her remains at this time, you'll just have to allow him to get there in his own time. There's not telling when or if that'll ever be but there's some reason that he's holding on to them and if he's unwilling to share that with you, then you just have to be supportive and there for him so when he does decide to talk about it, he won't feel uncomfortable doing so.

Customer :

hello

Customer :

that's exactly the tack I took, laying a foundation of safety for him if/when he felt like talking about it or doing something about it, in a non-judgemental or incredulous way. That wasn't easy!

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