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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My friend was seeing someone for 2 years. They consummated”

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My friend was seeing someone for 2 years.

They “consummated” the relationship, every other weekend.

He was kind to her, talked with her, shared his feelings with her. Shared his sons information with her.The laughed joked and had things in common. He was never mean to her. Sometimes he stayed the night. She showed up one time at his house and he wasn’t upset with her uninvited.

So he was never mean. He shared stuff with her.

But he never took her on a date.

He never met her family or vice versa.

He kept his phone number private from her, so she had to mail him letters to communicate.

What is the true deal so I can let her know? (I think I know)

But she is convinced he is the one for her.

She is convinced he was past hurt years ago and cannot let himself be with her.

She is convinced no man could ever carry on for two years just to use someone when they have shared so much.

I disagree, but she disagrees with me.

I know she deserves better etc but please let her know what is really going on. Tell her if guys can really use (or women) .

This is beyond suspicious and an insult to her. He is trying to use a person and still keep them at arm's length. I have never heard of such a strange setup. He is "sharing" as you say but he can't trust her with basic information like a phone number. What it sounds like she has is a relationship that is a huge secret. Intimacy doesn't survive in secret. I don't know how to say this comment nicely but he is using her for certain benefits while maintaining some other lifestyle in public. She is in a relationship but he isn't. When you can't acknowledge someone then they do not mean enough to do so. She needs to run. Instead of wasting her time find someone who is proud to be together. She needs to wake up. This guy is using her and when she puts her foot down he will be gone.

 

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