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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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after many talks my husband has asked for a divorce. he says

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after many talks my husband has asked for a divorce. he says that we were not a couple. we have 2 autistic children and they have taken over our lives so no we wernt a couple as such. two years ago hubby almost commited suicide but a man was on hand to help him out, he has also self harmed. he says he loves me, but we must move forward with our lives. he says that if he knew that we would be happy then he would come back into the marriage, but that cant be guarenteed. He has this thing in his head that he didnt make me happy, so he was unhappy. he also has this guilt thing about buying things and going out on his own with the lads. he is on anti depressants and when we saw the doctor he said sort your marriage out and then come back if you feel the same. so now he says that divorce is the answer. he lives away from home and is still not happy. he thinks that once we are divorced that everything will slot into place and we will have a chance to be happy. he also wants us both to be friends which i find hard as i am hurting so much. Am i right to be worried about him or is this normal.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is unfortunately normal for a person who is prone to such severe depression to try to take the easy way out like ending a relationship or going to a new job. They look for outside reasons for their unhappiness when really is an internal struggle. Being his friends is of course ridiculous. This is his way of healing which is of course superficial. He needs to work on himself and he doesn't realize that I guess. You can't make one decision and not be depressed. The choice to sort out the marriage isn't going to happen if he has convinced himself that the marriage is the problem. There is nothing you can do about this unless he is willing to consider that this isn't the problem. You can ask to meet with him and a professional but he still has to sort this out and what his mental health is like. I would have a talk with him and tell him that you don't want to be his friend.

 

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
so are you saying that with help and his willingness to accept help, it could help save our marriage.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Marriage are saved all the time with dedication and hard work. I have seen miracles happen with the right help. It is up to the two of you now
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