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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I feel so stupid for writing this but I need to get it out

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I feel so stupid for writing this but I need to get it out and talk to someone about it. So I split up with my boyfriend of 3 months and this was completely the right thing to do, I think I just wanted to be with someone and be closer to the whole marriage and kids thing, not actually wanting to be with him. I kind of see it as a rebound thing coz I only split up with my boyfriend of 8 years in january this year (it was me that brought it up but it was quite a mutual split). The problem I am facing is that I still love my ex (of 8 years). We started talking and seeing each other more (through mutual friends events) and we were getting on really well. We acknowledged that we still like each other but that we couldnt rush into anything. Then he went on holiday for a week. On the day he got back he asked if he could see me and we organised a time for the next day and he said he was excited to see me again. We spent a really nice day together and it was only as I was about to leave that he told me he met someone on holiday that he liked and that it was the first person he had liked in that way since me. He went on to say that he couldnt be with me now coz he would resent that I had been with someone else whilst he hadn't had that chance. He says he doesn't know if he will change his mind in the future but he still wants us to be friends. He wants us to still chat to each other and see each other but it not mean anymore. He is my best friend and I can't imagine life without him. I feel confused about my feelings and frustrated that I can't do anything to change the situation. What can I do? Should we stay friends? What is he trying to achieve? Please help
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You shouldn't be friends if you have a motive like getting back together. Someone is going to get their feelings hurt and it's always the person with that agenda. You have to be friends with no intentions or not be friends. He may be in the friendship with the sheer intention of being friends and probably will not change his mind. You will end up getting hurt because you really care about him. I think you need to move on. What would you do if he meets someone and starts giving you details. This is a recipe for disaster. Instead of being friends end it and find someone who wants a relationship. If he doesn't right now then there is no purpose at all. If you try to fool yourself into thinking that you can be friends you will be disappointed.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't know how to move on from him, I thought I had but obviously I haven't. Its hard to imagine a life without him.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You have to imagine a life. You had one before so now you have to find that space again. You can find help to get you through this period. You don't have to do this alone. You will be able to embrace at some point a heathier relationship. Have faith in yourself.
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