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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am at an impasse here! I have told my girlfriend I feel that

Resolved Question:

I am at an impasse here! I have told my girlfriend I feel that we are not truly committed to each other by living together and after 20yrs. it is time to make that commitment. She tells me that she is committed to me but aside from her sleeping with someone else her actions show otherwise. I am tired of this charade but I own a house with her and could lose much. I dont know where to go with this any advice?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Her sleeping with someone else should be the number one indicator that she is not committed. If you want to get married you should have monogamy and mutual respect. One solution which she may or may not be open to is couples counseling. Then you can find out why she cannot commitment. There is a big difference between not wanting to commit and not committing to you. I from what you said wonder if it is the first one. Unfortunately you can't get a commitment phobe to commit until they want to. You can be the greatest guy and she is still scared. Try to sit down and work out a plan that works for both of you. Something reasonable that she can live with. If she won't then you have some important decisions to make.

 

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I might been confusing you with my original statement. I meant she has always been loyal to me as far as only sleeping with me! But to her that is the only commitment to me. She seems to not want to commit to me as far as getting married but living together is all she wants. I would rather be married but maybe its time for me to move on. After 20yrs together and being loyal to her I want more than just living in sin or whatever you call it! I dont know where to go from here?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
After 20 years if she can't make a commitment move on. You have to decide if being married is a deal breaker. Is that grounds to move on. If it is then do so. You don't want to spend 10 more years being resentful. There are lots of people who feel that they must have a commitment. There is nothing wrong with that. If this is necessary for you to feel that she is committed to you then you have to know that anything less is not enough. I would talk to your partner and tell your partner that this is so important that you will move on. Be prepared for the answer and then proceed with the work stemming from that answer. Don't wait another 20 years to have what you want
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